January 18, 2016

Just a peek...

Sometimes we get just a peek inside someone else's world.  It literally lands in our hands.  It is just a tiny peek, and yet it's enough to spark emotions.  

When that time comes...what do you do with the information?

It can spark anger, fear maybe?  Or a feeling of sadness?  Does it make you feel justified or make you re-consider the way you should handle yourself?  How does it MAKE YOU FEEL knowing what you know?

For me it is a combination.  But mostly, it is a feeling that somewhere in the grand scheme of things I made the right choice for my own life.  I own the choices that I have made.   But what I wasn't expecting to feel was a moment of the most pure gratitude that I could ask for.


The definition is as follows: (results courtesy of Google, herself.)

  1. the quality or state of being true.
    "he had to accept the truth of her accusation"
    • that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.
      noun: the truth
      "tell me the truth"
      synonyms:what actually happened, the case, soMore
    • a fact or belief that is accepted as true.
      plural noun: truths
      "the emergence of scientific truths"

  2. I'm not really sure what we are supposed to do with "just a peek", but in my case it is enough to see that along the way I made the right decisions and my intuition was in fact, correct.  I'm not sure why we even get a peek, it is a rare thing to get gifted.  

  3. I live with a wonderful group of friends (here & far away).  I live with incredible children who are ridiculously human and all around good little people.  And I get to live my life with a man who has been honest and loving for the better part of three years. This is what my world rotates around.  They are the planets and I am the sun, and vice verse.   

I've written elusively about divorce and the suck of life.  I've written with transparency.  I'm not sure which of the two is better.   But what I do know is that as long as you hold on to who you are and the fact that sometimes the truth is stretched and information can get really jumbled up in communication, then it'll be alright.  

What do you do when you see someone who was used, or someone who stretches a truth in order to gain attention?  Or a person who functions on drama?  What do you do with them?   What do you do when you get to see a person's true character?  What if it really isn't their true character and they were fed lies? Do you feel sorry for them?  Or do you use that to reflect on who you are and how they chose to see your choices?  Do you analyze your choices and see how they could have been misconstrued? Do you wish they had asked you, just one time and listened, to what you were saying? Probably a little of it all.  And that is okay, because moving forward often requires you to take a tiny step backwards and really understand who you want to be and where your heart honestly is.  

“Truth never damages a cause that is just.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Ask questions.  If you don't have a clear understanding of a situation you simply ask the hard questions you have to in order to get to the truth.  The truth you are comfortable accepting.  It isn't always easy being an adult.  Hell, it sucks sometimes.  It can be uncomfortable to ask questions that you aren't even sure you need or want to know the answers to.  If you knew the truth, would it erase drama that you might be feeding on?  

What I am most grateful for in my life is the fact that I've spent the better part of 10 years building relationships that at some point were tested.  Partly because of the word truth.  I've trusted my instinct and rarely has it lead me astray.  Even when I didn't even want the truth, because it was painful.  

I am blessed with good, funny, brutally honest and loving humans in my life.  But it is because we chose to make our relationships work, more importantly, we chose to make those relationships matter.  I am glad that I had (or will have for future reference) enough humility to apologize when I needed to apologize.  I am simply glad that I can learn from mistakes and just settle in to a really great life now.  

I am grateful today.  Maybe a little hurt, but incredibly grateful that I have M in my life, that I have my children in my life, and that I have a plethora of family and friends who have really attempted to see my truth.  And I, theirs.  

My imperfectly perfect life suits me well.  Gratitude is the place where I choose to reside. Often taking a hard road trip to a place of self analysis and adjust where I need to adjust.

There can never be growth without self reflection.  And there are always...always, three sides to every story.  If the last few years have taught me anything, it is almost certainly that fact.  

Love you MB & love you...all of my girls who have stuck around for each other's truths.  

Live, love.  



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.Live, love.

.Live, love.