When I stood on the edge,
all I could see was the bottom.
That's when I decided to,
only look forward or above.
Because then all I could see,
was the glorious infinity.
Tiffany Luv Wright
Allowing a piece of yourself to be scrutinized by the world is difficult.
I've been self published up until now, always needing the help with marketing and editing because time was not a luxury I could afford. Now I am moving into an entirely different playing field. I am allowing others help control and market and push my writing. It's out of my Leo comfort zone, oddly enough, but I move forward because I trust these two with my life and this is literally my livelihood in the palm of their hands.
I didn't even realize that insecurity in regards to artistic creation probably feels a bit like suffocation. You have to truly look at yourself and see what others are going to see. You have to be ready for the moment. And all I can hear in my head ironically enough, are lyrics to the Eminem song. That I am going to vomit and end up choking. I feel like I'm in line for a roller coaster. Like I need to throw up and like I can't breathe. And yet I still move forward. I don't know why or how, unless it's that voice...
That teeny tiny voice. One that keeps pushing you to stand up and take credit for creating something that others might enjoy and understand. There is something that humbles you when you realize that people are watching. Every single move. That they are listening to what you are saying. That they want to even listen.
I've had messages pouring in the last few days, a few people just now getting around to reading some important stories that I wrote, and I am grateful for those tiny pushes that I receive. Because without them I might not keep writing. I write for myself as an outlet and yet I write for others to enjoy a story. Because I love the story. I will always love the story.
A conversation with Dani led to me acknowledging that we are dreamers or gypsy souls trapped in a world that is so narcissistic and vapid at times. We live in a world that can be superficial. Vows are taken, promises made...some are taken for granted. We were talking about love and unconditional love and what I realized is that while I love others unconditionally sometimes I don't expect the same from them. I suppose we all do it. But, I asked Dani a very important question, "there has to be a place for us (dreamers), right?"
She says there has to be. And I need to allow her to encourage me to hang on to that hope.
When you go to bed tonight, and then when you wake up in the morning...whisper "thank you". Even if you aren't sure what you are thankful for, or it's just the fact that you woke up, say "thank you". It's a practice I started years ago, to live in gratitude and remind myself that the small things do matter.
Keep writing, keep recording, keep drawing, because it does matter. And always,
Tiffany Luv Wright
"One" Paul Smit & Adriana Story Hill
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