I've had so many conversations the last few weeks with several different people in regards to honesty and love and trust that it dawned on me that was exactly what message we wanted to send this week.
Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~ unknown author
What a shame it would be to live with dishonest feelings, or visions, or thoughts.
I struggled for many, many years with my feelings. Whether or not they were okay, whether or not it would be acceptable for the truth to reveal itself.
I lied to myself about what I wanted, what was normal, and most importantly...what I needed. What I needed was to be okay with who I was. What I needed was balance. And a lesson in appreciation and gratitude for difference and diversity.
I cry at the stupidest movies and books. I feel something when I come across every new person I meet. I am constantly feeling something. My heart is always trying to catch up to my mind, and vice versa. But the point is, I'm trying. Little by little in the last year I've opened up to who I am and I know that it is okay. I don't shut people out anymore. I don't have to protect my heart. I'm okay with a free spirit, and a hippy heart. I am okay with a ridiculous love for art and all that encompasses the lifestyle of being a free spirit, and a little bit wild at heart. The women in my life, will definitely agree with the wild at heart. It's who I've always been, and who I will always be. They are just as free spirited and wild at heart. Some a little more logical than the rest, but we balance each other out. I don't speak about romance in my personal life very often, but the person in my life now is my balance. He is logical, a planner, but affectionate and passionate. He allows me to fumble through and doesn't try to step in to "save me". Although, I'm sure he would like to shake me every time I lose my glasses or car keys because I'm so lost in my thoughts sometimes. Opposites attract, but when you learn to meet in the middle? That is where something happens in a relationship. It's when you are aware of who someone is, and how you can adjust accordingly to balance one another out. Not change them, but exist with them. You learn to appreciate your differences and that fuels the entire relationship. How awful and boring would it be to live with someone EXACTLY like you?
We need the balance that being honest with ourselves provides. When we start to accept who we are, we move forward in our relationships.
Recently a friend said something about "re-training" her new man. I thought about it for two days. I don't want to "re-train" anyone. I want to fall in love with someone, or be their friend for who they are. There is a point in life where the re-training will fail because deep down you cannot train the "core" of who a human being is. The core only shifts, or maybe adjusts to new concepts? I need the different personalities and views in order to catch what I might miss. We need to have an open heart along with an open mind.
I don't want to be what is considered "normal". Completely shut down to what is going on around me, bitching constantly about things I cannot change, while being lazy with the things I can change. Consistently worried about appearance and what others might be thinking. Always planning out every single move I need to make. I don't want to struggle with the opinions of others who truly have no bearings on my immediate life and choices.
The moment I started to let go of what annoyed me with others, is the moment I started appreciating the differences. And that was when I recognized how the truth that my insecurity with my own weaknesses was what was keeping me from having truly gratifying relationships.
Now that being said, for you pessimist reading, yes...I am fully aware that there will be some people you simply cannot and will not be able to co-exist with peacefully. Those are the ones to let go.
Truth is what we are taught as a child. I'm talking about the kind of truth that once you've found it, it transforms everything you touch. It often starts with the admittance to yourself. Once you have admitted deep down that something isn't working, or the truth that sets in when you realize that who you are is exactly who you are supposed to be, or maybe you are not living the way you want or need to be living... And hiding that person will only lead to more and more hatred and anger building in your heart. Maybe truth is admitting an addiction, or a secret you've held on to. Maybe truth is accepting the fact that you are a dreamer and an artist who thrives on the imagination. Who knows? But honesty and truth is the catalyst for happiness and balance in your life.
Truth breeds happiness. It feeds the soul from the inside out, and when that happens it spreads like wildfire to those paying attention.
Truth holds the hand of courage, and once you make a decision, and it is finally your decision and yours only, you just "get it". No longer are you a prisoner of someone else's unhealthy version of how you are supposed to be living your life. Closed off from emotion, or afraid of love and the way it makes you feel. And I'm talking about all aspects of love.
The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality what we would appear to be. ~ Socrates
I can't think of one person in my life right now, that I would change a thing about them. I need them. I need them to help me see my faults and I need them to love me for my strengths. I need the honesty that comes from my Taurean friends, and the logic I get from the Virgos, I need the fuel from the sun-fired Leos and the passion that I see in my Pisces. I need the black & white in order to appreciate the color. We need the storms in order to appreciate the sunshine and rainbows. There are so many things that had I judged and I allowed annoyance and self absorption set in. I would have missed out on some of the greatest people in my life. So many incredible people that I otherwise would have discounted because I only allowed those exactly like me inside my world and my heart.
Now, here I sit, not willing to give any of those people up.
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