August 22, 2013

Honesty

It's another one of those days when I wasn't too sure what I wanted to blabber on and on about.

     I've had so many conversations the last few weeks with several different people in regards to honesty and love and trust that it dawned on me that was exactly what message we wanted to send this week.

Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~ unknown author

What a shame it would be to live with dishonest feelings, or visions, or thoughts.  

     I struggled for many, many years with my feelings.  Whether or not they were okay, whether or not it would be acceptable for the truth to reveal itself.  

I lied to myself about what I wanted, what was normal, and most importantly...what I needed.  What I needed was to be okay with who I was.  What I needed was balance.  And a lesson in appreciation and gratitude for difference and diversity.  

I cry at the stupidest movies and books.  I feel something when I come across every new person I meet.  I am constantly feeling something.  My heart is always trying to catch up to my mind, and vice versa.  But the point is, I'm trying.  Little by little in the last year I've opened up to who I am and I know that it is okay.  I don't shut people out anymore.  I don't have to protect my heart.  I'm okay with a free spirit, and a hippy heart.  I am okay with a ridiculous love for art and all that encompasses the lifestyle of being a free spirit, and a little bit wild at heart.  The women in my life, will definitely agree with the wild at heart.  It's who I've always been, and who I will always be.  They are just as free spirited and wild at heart.  Some a little more logical than the rest, but we balance each other out. I don't speak about romance in my personal life very often, but the person in my life now is my balance. He is logical, a planner, but affectionate and passionate.  He allows me to fumble through and doesn't try to step in to "save me".  Although, I'm sure he would like to shake me every time I lose my glasses or car keys because I'm so lost in my thoughts sometimes.  Opposites attract, but when you learn to meet in the middle?  That is where something happens in a relationship.  It's when you are aware of who someone is, and how you can adjust accordingly to balance one another out.  Not change them, but exist with them.  You learn to appreciate your differences and that fuels the entire relationship.  How awful and boring would it be to live with someone EXACTLY like you?  


     We need the balance that being honest with ourselves provides.  When we start to accept who we are, we move forward in our relationships.  

Recently a friend said something about "re-training" her new man. I thought about it for two days.  I don't want to "re-train" anyone.  I want to fall in love with someone, or be their friend for who they are.  There is a point in life where the re-training will fail because deep down you cannot train the "core" of who a human being is.  The core only shifts, or maybe adjusts to new concepts?  I need the different personalities and views in order to catch what I might miss.  We need to have an open heart along with an open mind.  

     I don't want to be what is considered "normal".  Completely shut down to what is going on around me, bitching constantly about things I cannot change, while being lazy with the things I can change. Consistently worried about appearance and what others might be thinking.  Always planning out every single move I need to make.  I don't want to struggle with the opinions of others who truly have no bearings on my immediate life and choices.  

The moment I started to let go of what annoyed me with others, is the moment I started appreciating the differences.  And that was when I recognized how the truth that my insecurity with my own weaknesses was what was keeping me from having truly gratifying relationships.  

Now that being said, for you pessimist reading, yes...I am fully aware that there will be some people you simply cannot and will not be able to co-exist with peacefully.  Those are the ones to let go.  


Truth is what we are taught as a child.  I'm talking about the kind of truth that once you've found it, it transforms everything you touch.  It often starts with the admittance to yourself.  Once you have admitted deep down that something isn't working, or the truth that sets in when you realize that who you are is exactly who you are supposed to be, or maybe you are not living the way you want or need to be living...  And hiding that person will only lead to more and more hatred and anger building in your heart.  Maybe truth is admitting an addiction, or a secret you've held on to.  Maybe truth is accepting the fact that you are a dreamer and an artist who thrives on the imagination.  Who knows? But honesty and truth is the catalyst for happiness and balance in your life.  

Truth breeds happiness.  It feeds the soul from the inside out, and when that happens it spreads like wildfire to those paying attention.  




     Truth holds the hand of courage, and once you make a decision, and it is finally your decision and yours only, you just "get it".  No longer are you a prisoner of someone else's unhealthy version of how you are supposed to be living your life.  Closed off from emotion, or afraid of love and the way it makes you feel.  And I'm talking about all aspects of love.  

The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality what we would appear to be. ~  Socrates 

I can't think of one person in my life right now, that I would change a thing about them.  I need them. I need them to help me see my faults and I need them to love me for my strengths.  I need the honesty that comes from my Taurean friends, and the logic I get from the Virgos, I need the fuel from the sun-fired Leos and the passion that I see in my Pisces.  I need the black & white in order to appreciate the color.  We need the storms in order to appreciate the sunshine and rainbows.  There are so many things that had I judged and I allowed annoyance and self absorption set in.  I would have missed out on some of the greatest people in my life. So many incredible people that I otherwise would have discounted because I only allowed those exactly like me inside my world and my heart.

Now, here I sit, not willing to give any of those people up.

#listening #lifehouse #youandme #fav Follow me on Twitter, although I've seemingly taken a "Twittercide" the last few weeks, I promise to catch up soon!  Miss some of my regulars!  Instagram and Pinterest as well.  I'll be looking for some incredible Halloween party ideas there!  #follow #tiffluv78 @tiffluv78

If you come across anything fun for Halloween, scary and adult, send it to me here!  I'll be sure to post credit to you or your website.



 Live, love.


Tiffany 




August 20, 2013

Missing Pieces

Staring hard you search for the missing piece, 
Frustrated and angry, you think you've finally found it!

You place the piece in gently, and at first it seems like it is going to fit, 
But it doesn't, so you shove it in anyways.  

After time passes, 
It bulges and pushes its way out of the hole in which it were placed. 

Piece after piece you try, 
A corner is wrong, the side doesn't fit properly, one is too sharp, the other too dull. 

The resentment sets in. 
The puzzle gets placed in a dark closet. 

You hate the puzzle because it is unfinished,
If you hide it, then it won't be staring you in the face begging for completion. 

Left on an open board, locked away in darkness.  
Years might pass by. 

It is time to start cleaning out closets, 
And clearing drawers of their junk and leftover items.  

For some reason you open a drawer that had been closed for too long, 
There is a puzzle piece lying in the very back. 

Waiting to be discovered, 
Waiting to be placed into its proper place. 

You take the piece out and look at it closely,
Thinking of the dusty puzzle sitting in the closet, so sad and lonely.  

When you take out the entire work and place it on the table,
It is out in the open for everyone to see again. 

The missing piece is still staring you in the face, 
Begging for you to complete what you started so long ago. 

You move slowly with deliberate and patient moves,
Afraid you've found another wrong piece. 

If it is too jagged it will slice you open,
If it is too small or too big, it isn't going to work. 

Surely you didn't slip this piece away out of forgetfulness, 
You slowly place the piece in the hole that has been waiting, 

You think about opening that drawer,
Are there other pieces shoved in the back of other drawers waiting for you to open them? 

Other puzzles waiting for you to complete? 
Other pieces waiting to be placed where they finally belong? 

You hold your breath,
Maybe you can finally see the hard work finished. 

The piece slides in perfectly.  
There is no shoving, no turning, no maneuvering.  

And your heart rests finally, 
In the arms where it was meant to be all along.  

Tiffany Luv Wright 2013 
Poetry is the sole ownership of Tiffany Luv Wright Copyright 2013

August 19, 2013

Safety Net

There is no fear of falling with you.
The safety net I thought I needed before,  
 is slowly disappearing,

I catch myself looking down,
And at mid glance, I smile,
Because I know,
It is no longer needed.

Tiffany Luv Wright 2013 

All poetry, lyrics, and novel excerpts and chapters are the sole ownership of Tiffany Luv Wright please do not copy and paste, please feel free to direct link to my blog or my fan page.  

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“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke


Somewhere along my way, I've lost my safety net.  Maybe when I started looking at my present day, as opposed to the future or the past.  When I stopped comparing every single situation to those I had already gone through, the safety net has faded farther and farther away.  Surrender?  Maybe.  Out of the "arrested development"?  Perhaps.










I don't know when it happened.  

Maybe it was the new people in my life, yet they really aren't new.  Maybe it was letting go of those who no longer serve a purpose in my life. Maybe it was simply the fact that I took control and no longer allowed that fear to rule my life.  I no longer feel like a feral cat who needs to back herself into a corner and protect my heart from being broken, or from feeling anything at all but anger and resentment, and most of all sadness.

Divorce is an oddity.  It makes you sink, or you swim.  There is an amount of treading water that seems to happen as well.  You either sink to your death, or you eventually, safely make your way back to the shoreline. Bruised and battered, but you make it.  You find yourself.  When it is bad, you find a part of yourself that you had either changed or let slip away.  If you decide to swim.  Or tread water until the storm passes.  You see the worst in yourself, and others involved, and you either change it, or you stay that way forever.

If you don't take anything away from the initial separation, and spend your entire time blaming the other party, then you miss the entire reason the relationship failed in the first place.  I don't speak of it often, but now as we seem to be finally coming to an end of this road, I look back over my posts over the last year and I see where I've admitted my faults, where I have learned so many valuable lessons about myself and others involved.  I've learned how to swim.  I've learned what works for me, and for my children.  I've learned where I failed and where I did okay.  I've maneuvered my way through the initial drama and taught myself how to change bad habits that I was carrying with me all of these years.  They were bad "emotional" habits.  Comfort zones that kept me guarded, hateful, and protected.  And now I know what I want.  I know how I want to live my life.  All of that time I was protecting myself from my heart.  Out of fear.  I didn't love myself enough to see that I am worth loving.  It was a hard habit to break.

I understand that there are so many more lessons for me to learn.  And isn't that the point?  To make yourself better?  To feel better? To have a heart that is a little less burdened?  To understand human nature and simply accept some things, and change the things we are capable of changing?

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  I believe that when you close one door, another opens. I believe that when you decide to stop allowing negativity to rule your life, even when it is hard, that the positive will keep you afloat.  Even in the hardest of times.  I believe in faith, hope, and fate.  We talk about the invisible threads all the time here, but I see the connections.   Alyson always reminds me of the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem, which I've shared here so many times.  But it is true.  When you start to recognize where you want to be, but more importantly where you ARE, you see things you have missed before.  Anne Frank wrote about it.  She kept her thoughts clear and precise, even when it was hard she didn't give up.  She kept hope.  She lived on faith.  She loved in the darkest of times.

 “Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” Diary of Anne Frank 

It is one of my all time favorite books.

     I forgot years ago.  I forgot how to live from my heart.  I stopped believing.  I started seeing all of the ugly and the hateful, and I almost let it take over everything in my life.  I saw a world that was engulfed in hatred and awful people.  But it wasn't.  It ISN'T.   I thought it was normal.  That was the way everyone lived.  But it isn't.  There is good, and there is love, and there is light everywhere.

I'm not talking about living in a world of "kittens and rainbows", I'm talking about simply living in gratitude and seeing that everything and everyone has a purpose.  And that ultimately WE are responsible for what is happening to us.  It IS the choices we make. The roads we decide to take.  We are in charge of our own happiness, our health, and our attitudes.  Sure everyone slips, we have bad days, but when you start having more good days, then bad, that is when the magic starts to happen.  Slowly and surely, you start to notice the little things don't really get to you anymore.  You turn a blind eye to those living in the negative, you turn a deaf ear to those thriving on gossip and negativity.  You start to see those who are left standing in a new light and slowly, those left start to live the way you are living, a positive outlook and a survivor attitude spreads like wildfire, along with recognizing human nature and mistakes.  On purpose?  Maybe.  I believe it is just something that transforms slowly, others seeing you or someone around you letting the "bad days" slip away.  Learning to enjoy life and living gratitude.

“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” Anne Frank 

Everyone has problems, everyone is going to go through their own issues.

     I cry.  I cuss.  I get upset.  But it's less and less.  There are very few instances that anger me like they used too.  Very few people who know how to push my buttons, and for the most part, I am slowly learning to let them go and not allow them to penetrate my life in the way they used to.  We are human.  It happens, but I can't reiterate enough that when it starts happening less and less, YOU ARE GETTING IT.  

You cannot control another person.  But, you CAN influence them.  


You can learn to start to control those tiny tinges of anger or annoyance that lead to bigger instances, or negative experiences.

It isn't a new concept.  Buddha taught this concept.  Hindu teaches this concept.  The American Indian taught this concept.  Some of the greatest philosophers in the world have taught this concept.  It is one of the few things that are hard and easy at the same time, testing your faith and your strength, yet the rewards are incredible.

     Tomorrow I turn 35...I mean, 31 (some of you will giggle at that), but this is the first birthday that I have looked forward to in a long time. And I have no idea why, other than self reflection showing me that while I have a ways to go, I am making better and healthier choices that will keep my heart and my mind happy.  It's the first birthday that I haven't felt anxious about, or heard the "clock ticking".  I look back at the last year, and while I'm exhausted, sure, I am so happy with what I've learned and what I continue to learn, that I am excited for the next year to reveal itself on a daily basis.  There might be pain, there might be heart break, there might be happiness beyond my wildest imagination, but I will understand that there are lessons behind each and every one of those feelings. It's time to feel.  Not to say how I feel, or how I think I feel, and cover it up.  But to honestly feel what I need to feel in order to move forward emotionally.
     I've gained a few new wrinkles due to laughing so hard that I cried, and crying and frowning until I couldn't do it anymore.  I've lost a few pounds probably due to stress, but in the end, I feel good from the inside out, no longer consumed with the facetious appearance that I am presenting.  And I will continue to grow from there.  Hopefully learning what I need to learn to heal even more.

I'm not really sure what my plans for tomorrow are, but I spent the weekend camping with some friends I've had for 20 plus years, and family.  My aunt dropped off a tent and a quilt that meant the world to me, because it was a little piece of my uncle for me to take with us.  And me and the big boys were off!  We had such a wonderful time, the children played and the adults got some much needed rest and relaxation.  As I watched the kids mingle and interact with one another, I thought of my uncles who spent a majority of their lives on the lake all summer long.  Those memories will never leave.  They will always remember the times we were all together and spent time with one another.  I thought of my aunt Jackie, and Uncle Rick... I sat on the side of the lake listening to the sounds of "our people", and even though it's hectic for the adults to pack up, unload, then do it all over again when we leave, it is important. Those moments in between are the ones that will cement themselves in to our hearts.  One day, those moments will be all we have left of one another.  I never want to take that for granted.

“What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne

     The next few weeks will be busy. I am heading back to Seattle aka "home" for some of you who know who I truly am and how much I felt connected to Washington State, and I will update as much as possible.  I can't wait to see and smell the pier again!  Watch for more pictures than you can probably handle on the photography side of the blog.  I'm going with someone special, who invited me along, and I can't wait to take his hand and show him around!  I'm hoping to get a few moments in with the infamous "Danielle" as well if she makes it down from Oly-town!  Those of you who follow my work know that my "girls" always tend to make an appearance in my fictional work where-ever I can weave them in to a storyline...better believe I will!


I am going to attempt to start the third book in the witch series, setting myself up for a winter of writing.  I spoke with a couple of the "characters" over the weekend about a concept, where we think the story should go, and we came up with a few plot twists we think will do the characters justice.  The next few weeks I will spend going over "Finding Stones" and "Casting Gems", deciding on new characters, the plot, and will be putting "City of the Fallen Gods" on hold.  I keep getting messages in regards to our little witches, and it is time to revive the girls once again.





You can pick up your copy here on Amazon:

Finding Stones by Tiffany Luv Wright and the second book in the series Casting Gems, you can find here.

I recently pulled The Wooden Girl From Nevada.  I am fairly positive I have found an editor to help with layout and text, and want to revise it in to perfection.


Taurean & Leo, still my favorite to write, is also available on Amazon.com.  It is a novella and perfect for a 'lil subway reading from your smart device, or Kindle.

We were able to see the Mark Chapman Band play Friday night at the 40th Annual Ertefest in Freistatt, Missouri.  They were awesome!  I love finding new musicians to follow and listen to.  Be sure to check them out.







Follow me on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram @Tiffluv78 













August 14, 2013

Surrender To The Present

Present 

When she stopped looking back, 
The world was quiet,
For the first time in a long time, 
She could think clearly, 

There was no more noise,
No more confusion,
She inhaled the sweet breath of the present,
Realizing what had been in her palm all along,

Stopping to reflect on this very moment,
Would allow her the clarity to move forward, 
Drinking in the victory of learning life's lesson,
That had been patiently waiting all along,

The silent tears that released the frustration fell,
One by one down the side of her face, 
Collecting the broken pieces along their way,
Repairing what had been torn in the journey,

She thought of the people she had encountered, 
The silent angels guiding her through her heart and mind,
Learning to mix the logic with her feelings,
That had danced together for longer than she had realized,

In that moment of surrender,
The storm clouds lifted,
The light rain replacing the furious winds and hail,
And for the first time in a long time, the rain felt good,

She didn't worry about looking forward, 
No fortune tellers, no predictions,
What would happen, would simply happen,
Fate has a funny way of winning in the end,

Time has its own way of weaving the perfect moments, 
Into the perfect minute,the perfect hour, and the perfect day, 
Perfectly, imperfect,
Fate holding times hand in order to guide her gently along,
Waiting for us to catch up, or fall behind, or simply sit still,

She stared at the present moment in the palm of her hand,
And again, took in the breath of peace and comfort, 
Knowing that there would never be another moment like the present,
Finally, surrender had taught its lesson.  




All poetry, lyrics, novels and novel excerpts are the sole ownership of Tiffany Luv Wright 2013 


I've thought so much about surrender since we talked about it a few weeks ago.  Even last night in a conversation with a good friend who is going through some rough waters with his relationships, surrender came up.  Surrender is simple, and yet, difficult for some to learn to do.  It was a difficult journey for me.  Even though I am so very guilty of over-analyzing and over-complicating things, I finally learn to let go and surrender.

I realized that I have learned so much.  That all of these events have been teaching me along the way, not only the events, but life has gently tossed in the teachers for me to learn from.   I've had the privilege of being the teacher and the student at the same time.  Others learning from me, and watching my steps as I stumbled through what was one of the hardest decisions of my life.  And watching from afar, understanding what mistakes I don't want to make in my present life.




 I was living in the past.  I was living in the future.  And all the while not paying attention to the surrender of the present.  And yet, I was still learning what I needed to learn.

I believe in fate.  I believe in hope.  I believe in the power of living a life of gratitude, another topic that keeps coming up.  I believe in kindness and love.  I know a lot of logically wired people would tell me I'm crazy, or just a silly "hippy", because they believe that everything is simply random.  But what I don't understand is how you can take the tiny things that happen over the course of years that lead you to where you are now, and discount all of the strange coincidences and things that happen that guide you there.  Do some simply ignore intuition, or the feelings they get when making a decision? Do they truly always live a black and white lifestyle?  I suppose those of us who teeter back and forth in the shades of gray rely on the black and white, and vice verse.  We balance one another out, reminding the other that there are different ways to approach the fast paced world we live in.

Life is hard sometimes.  But it is also very simple.  The lessons are rarely complicated.  We over-analyze them, we complicate them, when in the end they are so simple.  Love is easy.  I know I've said that a thousand times on this blog, probably...but it is.  It is so very simple.  Love is something that is a constant.  No matter what is going on in your life, when you resort to living a religion of love, things become easier.  When you stop to realize that gratitude breeds gratitude, you learn to love.  No one is perfect, there will be fleeting moments of anger, there will be moments you just simply do not think you can forgive, but you will.  Because when you choose to live in love, you start to eventually understand that we are all human.  You reach for someone in need, you let go of preconceived judgement, and you no longer expect someone to behave in a manner that is not acceptable to you or society.  You surrender the status quot.  You appreciate the simplistic values of life.

Anger, resentment, hatred...they are all hard to let go of at first, but when you practice it, it becomes easier.  Insecurity is something we all face.  Every single one of us.  It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like, or your social status.  Fear drives us and sometimes keeps us from being happy.  The simple kind of happy.  The kind of happy you get when you're lying in some one's arms, or the simple kind of happy that children bring...or even just sitting outside enjoying a sunset or a sunrise.

The world requires balance.  We all need one another.  The anger needs the happiness.  The black and white needs the color.  The love needs the hatred.  I suppose it is a cycle that will continue to repeat itself and we simply ride it out.  I've been accused often by a certain individual of living in a world full of "kittens and rainbows", and anyone who knows me, knows that isn't me at all.  I do, however, believe that good works.  That kindness, and faith in kindness leads us down the path we are supposed to take.  Judgement is often cast when it is our own lives we need to take a deeper look at and turn the focus internal.

Everything that I've taken in in the last year has led me to discover a beautiful side of life.  I no longer feel the need to be someone I am not.  I am doing my best to live openly and not be afraid of loving someone or of trust.  I am allowing myself forgiveness and understanding that it is human nature to make mistakes.  What we must pay attention to is learning from those mistakes, and allowing others to learn from them as well.  Most importantly, expanding the way we are interacting with others, and allowing them to teach us. Pride has a way of blinding us to the lessons our friends and family may be holding for us to take in.  

Surrender, faith, hope, and the present moment all walk hand in hand.  Fear is what keeps us from moving forward.

If you continue to live in fear, think of all of the wonderful things you might miss?  I can think of so many things happening in my life right now, that I would be missing out on.  Standing on the edge right now, looking down, then taking a look back (just once) to see where I have been, my heart is racing at the blessings I know I have been given.  New people to love, incredible relationships revitalized and cemented down with conviction and loyalty,  and most of all a sweet happiness that I can't describe to you until you are ready to change and experience it yourself.

Perspective seems to come when we least expect it, and yet when we need it the most.  Savor that perspective.  Savor the present moment.  Take the time to feel and listen to what you truly want, and then simply take the leap to create it.

Dedicated to my family.  Praying for the Dollarhides today as we say goodbye to a strong and loving woman.  08/14/2013 R.I.P. Aunt Karen you were loved by so many.

Live, love.

Tiffany

In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.  
Buddha


SIMPLE GRATITUDE ~LET LOVE IN. 

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August 9, 2013

L.O.V.E. & G.R.A.T.I.T.U.D.E.

"We thought of you today, but that is nothing new. We thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. We think of you in silence, We often speak your name. All we have is memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, in which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping, we have you in our hearts."


A good friend recently lost her father.  Another, patiently waiting for her father to get better, in Seattle.  

Sometimes we take reminders from other people's pain and reassess where we want our relationships to fall in our own lives.  We retreat to an internal place, maybe only momentarily, and then we take a look around at the good in our own immediate days.  

I think of that poem often.  Partly because it reminds me of my Uncle Rick, who, for years was my surrogate father.  The other half of my Uncle Rick, my Aunt Cathy, is a solid rock for me when I am in need of grounding.  I think of him every day.  I pray about him, I try and remember what he would tell me was the right thing to do when faced with anger or confrontation.  I try and live the way he would want me to live.  With patience, and yet strength.  Remembering love, and kindness.  I am far from perfect, (often stumbling through my own messes to figure out the solution) but the moment his voice enters my thoughts, it is as if there is clarity through the loud thunder from a storm.  


I spent last evening with a group of friends and family.  Friends I've had for many, many years, and new friends who now have the appearance of being "old" friends.  







Gratitude comes in big doses for some.  And for others, we take it in whenever we can.  A kiss stolen among two people in a public place, the silver lining peaking out from the clouds as the rain moves in or out, or watching people you've known practically your entire life interact with one another...and understanding that it is the small moments and memories that seem to be the most important.  

A smell can trigger it.  A sound.  Tiny reminders that somehow bring back a flood of memories.  


I started fishing at a place that I had avoided for years, probably to avoid the pain of memories, until I realized that it is those very memories that I needed to heal.  Those memories reminded me of who I was, and why I am back home.  

The crazy and fun people in my circle of friends and family are so important to me. The memories we are making for the years to come are incredibly important to our sanity.  

Sometimes we have to listen to those who speak the softest.  The people who know who we are and guide us gently towards the destination we are supposed to end up at.  Maybe we won't like what they have to say, but we listen anyways.  That is true friendship.  And trust.  A word that it took 34 years for me to embrace and understand, finally taking down a lifetime worth of walls down.  

I need the people I have in my life like I need to take a breath.  





When you get to a place in life where words no longer matter, and you can simply look in to someone's eyes and know exactly how they feel about you, that is when it starts to "get good".  There is no longer a need for verbal affirmation, it is simply seeing the feelings in someone's eyes.  

I saw that last night.  Among a group of friends that mean the world to each other.  And although none of them are quite as "mushy" as I am or aware that I watch them and get inspired to write, we wouldn't be a group, if we all didn't bring a different dynamic to the relationships we share.  

Live in gratitude.  Serve in gratitude.  Believe in gratitude.  When you can start being thankful for the small moments in life, you will start to see what is important. Better yet, you will start to feel it.

We are exactly where we need to be for the moment.  Don't rush it.  Live for the moment.  Allow fate to show you how all of those tiny moments and miracles add up to the amazing experiences we get to have when the storms clear.  Because even in the midst of a storm, there is a moment of beauty. 

LEAVE NO REGRETS.  

Live, love. 


Tiffany 

To Love is human. To feel Pain is human.
Yet to still Love despite the Pain is pure Angel.
~Rumi



Reason, Season, Lifetime 
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown


August 7, 2013

LOL ~ Daily ~ Please ~

I wasn't sure what I wanted to purge when I sat down to write this afternoon.  


I thought a lot about friendships today.  Family, love, the strange bonds we form with people.  I have had the craziest year of my entire life.

We are so afraid of change, we dread it.  We hide from it, we do everything in our power to totally evade change.

And then it happens.  

EVERYTHING CHANGES.

It's sudden, or is it?



All of sudden people are thrown in to the spotlight of our hearts and we were never truly aware of their existence before.  We see the shadows and the light in a different way.  We simply, see the person.

I'm not sure if it is a maturation.  Do some simply stay in arrested development?  Drawing in on the negative, and feeding the awful feelings that accompany an unhappy life?  Everyone has problems? Issues? No?





 Is it possible for someone who was close minded before, to see something in a new way?  It is.  We see what we choose to see.  And we see only what others allow us to see.

There could be a beautiful and engaging person in your life right now that you look past.  Open your eyes.

I spent a majority of my day today, on and off, laughing with all of my friends.  Some far away, some here at work, and some close to home.



Laughter is such a huge part of my life now, that I can't imagine how I made it through some of the things I did without it.  We laugh all of the time.  Through the good, through the bad, through the mundane and boring daily routines, I have surrounded myself with happy people.  Sure, they have problems, issues...but we make it happy.  We push through and force one another to smile, and that is priceless.

I recently read a quote, that said something to the like of "not keeping female friends because there was less drama, or being one of the boys".  What a sad way to live.  How many amazing friends are you cheating yourself out of by being petty and not being able to get along with your fellow girls?  Learn to embrace maturity, and learn to embrace differences, and you will open up a world around you that you believed only existed in movies.  Kindness and understanding will get you everywhere in life.

I think of all of the women I have gained as friends over the last few years, down to the last few months, and I can't imagine how I acquired such strong and amazing females in to my life.  I couldn't make it without them.  Their laughter and sense of humor are absolutely necessary to my sanity.

When you simply do the best you can, and you don't worry about what you cannot control, you somehow along the way, find happiness.  It's a process.  Not overnight, that is for sure.  But it does happen.

I have great kids, great friends, and great family who I wouldn't imagine my life without.

When you start to love from a place of gratitude, you start to simply, love.  You start living from a place that is easy and recognize that the troubles will pass.  There is never a rainbow without the rain. And a happy ending, doesn't happen, without the middle of the story.  I am so very grateful for the patience I have been taught.

Halfway through 2013, I am excited to see what the rest of this year has to offer.

Forgiveness, happiness, kindness, laughter, and peace.  Those are the things I ventured out to find, and with the help of some beautiful guardian angels, I am well on my way to obtaining each and every one of those things.

Live, love.

Tiffany 

August 1, 2013

If you would be loved, love and be lovable.



I'll have to give credit to the Dan over at Single Dad Laughing on Facebook. .  I found the link, through a share from my ex-husband's new wife's page, humorously enough.  

Dan Pearce posts some humor throughout the day, as well as some inspiring blog posts here. .  When I read his sentiment to the guys, it melted my seemingly black heart.  Okay, fine, those who know me, know I do not have a black heart.  Either way, I found it touching and true to every single word.  I thought about his 16 ways from the man's point of view and I thought all evening about my point of view.  I thought about how, had each one of his things he listed been done, I probably wouldn't have turned as cold as I did over the course of the two failed marriages of my own.  But that wasn't all.  I then thought about the things I could have done to prevent what had happened, and the lessons I will take in to my next relationship.  Well, after I'm done explaining to a new prospect that I have four children, two different "baby daddy's", and not a penny to my name.  A real catch, yes, I am aware.  *insert smiley face with as much sarcasm as I can fit into a smiley face", some of you will get the "smiley face" reference.  Luckily, some of you won't.  

Explaining two failed marriages is a pain in the ass, to say the least.  I hate it.  And then the next question, "Do you have children?".  Yes, four.  The absolute loves of my life, no matter how imperfect we (the hypothetical "we", non-existent "me and their fathers") seem to be on the outside, we all love those children.  We as adults, have learned many lessons over the years.  

I'll probably stay single forever.  Okay, probably NOT forever, I can be a drama queen.  Leo, rising in Aquarius, leave me alone.  Yes, I'm a dramatic hippy by the stars.  And that statement leads me into the "16 Ways I Blew MY Marriage" (ALL copyrights to that title belong to Dan Pearce.), although I suppose that should be plural.  I thought it would be interesting to see it from the woman's point of view.  

Yes, guys, this is one of us admitting, we are far from perfect. And sometimes, we will admit it.  Divorce is rarely one person's fault.  I'm not talking about the extremes here, before I start getting drug use, domestic violence or hate mail.  I'm talking about two people who allow ugliness and ignorance invade their love and then, just let it die.  

Maybe through all of what has happened, the humbling experience of a failed marriage, teaches lessons.  Eventually we do end up loving someone and learning from the mistakes we made along the way.  We move in to a beautiful relationship that is aware of all of the mistakes from our past, and we apply the lessons.  And we clean up the collateral damage along the way.  Either way, there are those who are watching us.  They look to our choices and our mistakes and they don't want to make the same.  Believe me, I want no one to follow in my footsteps.  But learning from my mistakes, well, that is free game.  

And that is how I came to today's blog post.  I won't copy and paste any of Dan's work, because I don't want you to be lazy.  Go check him out.  Read his work.  Follow him on Facebook and Twitter, and connect.  www.danoah.com

I won't put my "do-overs" list.  Dan just sparked a entire string of thoughts last night, and I just had a conversation similar to this with three (all separate) very, very good friends in the last week.  There again, synchronicity rears it's beautiful and humbling head.  Yin and yang.  Feminine and masculine.  It's the balance of the universe that when you start to recognize the effort of another and put in matched effort, it grows into something amazing and life-altering.  That is what we all seem to be missing out of laziness.  There is a misleading assumption that the other person will start to expect more and get lazy, when in fact, it will most likely have the opposite affect.  Kindness for kindness.  Love for love.  Match for match.  

Thank you Dan, for allowing me to dive a little deeper, and recognize my own faults out loud.  

Sharing from Youtube.  Enjoy meeting another fellow writer and parent who attempt to "get it".  

#alwayslearning #alwaysliving #live #love #always 



Live, love.  Always.  





1.  DON'T BE HIS MOTHER

He already has one.  Okay maybe he doesn't, but still.  The moment you cross that relationship territory, it's doomed.  It's almost like you can't recover.  We as woman feel the need to have things done, and when we start treating our husbands like children, well then, guess what?  You gain yet another child.  Who wants to have sex with someone who behaves like their mother?  
They really are capable of folding laundry, cutting the grass, and preparing meals with their own tendencies.  And guess what ladies, if he isn't capable of doing that from the beginning, duh-duh na-na...cut him loose.  Otherwise just go ahead and prepare the separation papers now.  Do not behave like his mother.  You aren't his mother.  You never will be his mother.  

2.  DO LITTLE THINGS (Goes along with number #1) 

When we first start dating, we see their stress.   We feel it because we are connected and we care.  Somewhere along the way, when you move to attempting to be his mother, you stop rubbing his shoulders after a long day.  You don't pick up their favorite snacks, or you stop cooking their favorite meals.  When you run to the store, nothing catches your eye in the attempt to make his day a little nicer.  
It shouldn't stop.  When you lose that amount of compassion for your partner as an equal, you start to lose any and all emotions that make you want to ease their day in the least bit.  

3.  HE ISN'T GOING TO KILL THE CHILDREN 

This is something I struggled with early on.  It started with my first two sons, and then it was out of control the next few years.  

Ladies, they aren't going to starve, dehydrate, or kill the kids.  Really.  I swear it.  Just because the diaper is crooked, or they put them to bed with chocolate all over their faces, doesn't mean they are incapable of parenting, or the kids are going to be scarred the rest of their lives.  Here is the nasty little secret that we as women like to keep and then complain about.  When you bring that cuddly, snugly baby home from the hospital...regardless of whether you are co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth-freakin'-diapering...it doesn't matter.  You are going to be exhausted.  But here is the bad secret we keep, while we complain that they don't get up in the middle of the night, and moan about how tired we are, how many of us have gotten up and "followed" him around in the middle of the night to ensure the baby didn't starve?  Or that he cleaned up properly?  Some of you reading this have toddlers?  Older kids, no?  See, they ALL survived.  Dad didn't kill them with those extra Oreo's he snuck in to their bedroom over the years.  Or when he had to take them to the doctor because you couldn't make it...guess what?  They lived.  

4.  LOSE THE CONTROL FREAK ATTITUDE

I'm not sure where this came from over the years.  Have we as women always been so controlling?  We judge others on how they fold laundry, whether or not their kid eats whole grains, all the way down to whether or not that last cup was loaded in to the dishwasher properly.  

LET IT GO.  This was another major struggle for me, especially throughout my twenties.  My poor first husband couldn't do a damn thing right.  I guess I had forgotten that he was a capable, young adult and if he loaded the dishwasher improperly, guess what?  The dishes would still get cleaned.  
Then I let it carry over in my second failed marriage.  

We control so much, and then we complain because we are exhausted.  Well no damn wonder.  We are tired because if someone in our household doesn't fold the towels properly, we will hunt them down, corner then, and make them re-fold it until their fingers bleed.  Why?  Why do some of us do this?  

A little word I learned over the years that surely calmed things with my boys, was "compromise".  I know, I know, it IS a scary word.  

5.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 

If you need a shower, then take a damn shower.  Don't stand in the kitchen in three days worth of stink, while scrubbing the counters down for the 27489572094753942 time that day, complaining you can't take a shower.  We let ourselves go because we choose to.  It isn't HIS fault you look like shit.  It isn't the CHILD'S fault you look and feel like shit.  Again, see how these tie in, because if you allow him to have the said small human(s) I can't imagine he will argue with a cleaned, non-smelly, put them up in a bra you.  
Now, I'm not saying that looks are everything, but seriously, think of how much better your kiss will taste with brushed teeth.  We all get tired, and sure, you wake up next to him.  But lose the lazy attitude.  Make some attempt to take care of yourself.  Imagine how much better you would feel after a half hour hot bath?  And poof!  When you get out, no one has starved to death, no one has fallen out of a second story window, he really did keep the kids alive.  

6.  LET HIM BE A MAN

For the love of all things holy, please.  Let him be a man.  Let him go have a beer.  Let him golf.  Let him sit in the garage every once in a while engulfed in "man stuff".  Do you want him sitting between you and your best girlfriends when you are getting a mani/pedi?  We as women tend to think we are entitled to free time.  We start getting insecure (maybe because we haven't showered in a week...hmmmm) and then start cracking down the whip.  It didn't matter when we met that he spent 4 hours trying to get slip covers to fit his jeep.  Why does it matter now?  
Did you catch him sneaking a peek at the cute blond with DD boobies?  Maybe.  But weren't you just looking at the mechanic with the boyish grin, and the tattooed muscles under that blue collar work shirt?  Um, yes.  Sorry, it's human nature.  We all do it, we all look.  The difference in some of us, is that it is in playful human nature.  

He isn't going to leave you while at the golf course.  He isn't going to take some girl home from having beers with his buddies.  

Chances are, he is thinking about you and reminded of why he is with you, he will send you a text, or he will even leave early.  Because the fact remains, that when he walks through that door, it's your arms he wants to crawl in to every single night.  

7.  TALK 

COMMUNICATE.  

However you have to do it.  Stop assuming he "knows" you after so many years.  I mean, my goodness, could you imagine if stayed the exact same over the course of a long lasting relationship.  Things change.  Thoughts.  Tastes.  Favorite foods and smells.  The way we dress, the way we process, the way we feel.  Views, feelings, choices.  Everything is in constant revolution.  How awful would arrested development truly feel?  Could you imagine the boredom?  

Talk to him.  Write it out for him.  Text or email it to him.  Leave him a card if you have to.  
If the communication is down, do whatever you have to, to bring it back out on to the table.  

8.  ASSUMPTIONS 

This ties in to the communication.  Never make him "assume" anything.  Be open and honest.  Clear and precise.  If you all of a sudden are tired of roses, and prefer sunflowers, tell him.  If you've discovered a new favorite perfume, tell him.  If you want to try something out in the bedroom, tell him.  And the same goes along with the negatives.  If something is bothering you, instead of "assuming" he should already know, tell him.  There isn't anything worse than having a fight that is one-sided and the other party hasn't a clue what started it.   

When you think of any arguments or fights, how many were due to "assumption"?  

9.  LET YOURSELF BE A WOMAN 

Maybe I should have followed this after number 6, but I'm a woman, and I am all over the place.  

Be a girl.  Smell good.  Don't try and take up hunting if you can't imagine the thought of gutting a deer.  Don't pretend to play video games if you loathe them.  Paint your nails, put on lip gloss, wear a bra.  I'm not saying if you are a tomboy to change that. But there are certain things that makes girls, girls.  

We chatter to much, and we talk about emotions, we laugh too much at things we probably shouldn't.  We cry at stupid movies and books.  

Somewhere along the way, some of us shut down.  We start to think that isn't what he was drawn to in the first place.  That in order to feel what we felt when we fell in love, we need to be stern and let go of that feminine quality that he fell in love with.  

10.  NEVER LET YOUR CHILDREN DEFINE ALL OF WHO YOU ARE

I'll take a LOT of shit for this one, I know it.  

But so many times as a mother we allow our children to be our only definition.  They define every single moment in a household.  When that happens, eventually you can't even have a conversation with your spouse because the children "know" that if they badger mama enough, she will ignore daddy and they will get your full attention.  

NOW, with that being said, I don't mean the important child-rearing moments or NOT spending quality time with your children.  I'm talking about the little nuances that children pick up on that allows them to wiggle their way right in between a mother and a father.  

Children are smart little things.  They KNOW when to push.  And they want what they want, now.  Teaching them that your spouse IS absolutely first, teaches them to have healthy relationships in their future.  It allows them to understand that love is love, parenting is parenting.  

I'm not talking about the children's care, or the time you spend with the children.  I'm talking about recognizing that, if junior needs to wait 15 minutes for his sliced apple while mama talks to dad about his day, he isn't going to wither up and die without that sliced apple.  And the same goes with interrupting a conversations between mother and father.  So many times we allow them to just barge in and take over an entire conversation and by then both adults are simply exhausted and spent.  Then resentment kicks and and sure enough, either parent could care what the other has to say.  

11.  SEX 

You knew it was coming.  Taboo?  No.  Human nature.  

We crave it.  We need it.  We enjoy it.  

It creates closeness.  It creates adventure.  It IS a part of a relationship.  

 Why do we stop?  

We stop doing the little things that turn each other on.  We get lazy.  We forget how to romanticize the sex.  We forget the raw emotions attached to being absolutely that close to another human being who in the beginning, we thought held our hearts.  

Boredom?  Not sure.  

We use sex as a way to "get our way".  We use sex as a last resort.  We use sex as something to hold over their heads.  We use sex in every other way, other than what it is intended to do.  Which is build intimacy.  

And guess what?  More sex, leads to more sex.  Simple as that.  

12.  COMPASSION

Men have feelings.  

They have brains.  They have hearts.  They have emotions.  
You might be the one and only person that gets all of him.  How lucky did you think you were in the beginning?  Remember that.  

We start allowing the name-calling and the bitching to take over when we are with our girlfriends.  We take a conversation from a group of unhappy, complaining women and it moves internal. Instead of seeing the things he did right, we only see what is wrong.  

Tread lightly with his heart, and he will do the same.  When a man gives you his heart in the beginning it is because he doesn't want it broken.  It was because you showed him it was okay to do so.  How do we forget that? 

13. GRATITUDE 

SAY THANK YOU.  

This has been repeated in every single relationship book I have ever picked up. 

I know it goes both ways.  BUT when you start doing it, you start receiving it.  

TELL HIM THANK YOU.  

That statement is enough.  

14.  MAINTAIN INDEPENDENCE 

While we look for shared interests in the beginning.  The independent ones are also important.  We need something that is our "own".  We don't have to be attached at the hip 24/7.  It is okay for us to take a 2 day trip with our friends and everything will be okay.  The earth won't shift.  They won't find a "new wife".  

Allow them to expand their minds and their interests and the relationship will stay alive.  It will grow and turn into something entirely different when you don't weave them in to every single decision and aspect in your life.  

I'm not talking Beyonce "Independent", I'm talking...isn't he capable of still going fishing once a week with just his buddies?  Aren't you capable of heading to the spa for a weekend with just the girls?  

Do you really think he wants to know all about the "book club" or your next sewing project if you didn't share that info before?  (And of course he didn't show interest then)  Aren't you capable of heading to the grocery store without him on your hip?   Space is a good thing.  Time for yourself only helps you.  It is needed for reflection.  It is human nature.  I think this one ties back in with that need to control that sets in with some of us.   

15.  BITCHING 

You know what I am talking about ladies.  

 We nag, we bitch, we complain.  Everyone has a bad day.  We are all hormonal shrews every once in a while.  But then we morph in to something else.  I don't know if it is because of the stress, or the fact we stop caring, but we do it.  

So what if the dishes sit there for one night while the two of you have a beer on the porch?

Did you ever stop to think that the dishes aren't going to go anywhere...maybe he wants YOU to sit on the porch WITH him and unwind?  

'nuf said. 

16.  ROMANCE 

Stop putting this on his shoulders.  Men like it.  They lie.  They LOVE it when you do something like, whisper something sweet in their ear in the grocery store.  Or when YOU bring home their favorite cologne, or pick them up that lure they were eyeballing the last time you were in the store.  

They like to be held, and kissed on the neck.  They like to be touched.  They like the little things just as much as we do.  

Cards, their favorite candy...stopping by their work with their favorite drink, they love that stuff.  It's not always the man's responsibility to be the romantic one.  

Follow Tiffany on Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram  @tiffluv78 

#momlife 










.Live, love.

.Live, love.