July 31, 2013

Arrested Development

I've taken a lot of time lately to reflect.  I needed my world to become quiet.  Time spent thinking about my writing and ramblings over the past two years, I've poured so much of myself in to my work and putting it out for everyone to judge, that sometimes it is nice to take a step back and a small break.



"Close your eyes.  Fall in love.  Stay there."  Rumi

Summer are busy in our home, and this summer, has seemed to be especially so since I am back to the "real job" full time.




A lot has happened.  A lot has changed.  Sometimes when we take a look back at the road we've traveled there is a sense of accomplishment.  Maybe regret, although, I do not live in regret.  A decision made, is simply that, for me.  There will be love and loss, lightness and darkness, sometimes you find you are the teacher and the student.  You learn that sometimes, the past was forming the future unbeknownst to you, and yet, you STILL cannot control it.  I believe in fate, though, others may not.  Of course that ties back to the tiny, invisible threads that bind us to others.  Fate, hope, & love are all deeply connected.  Sometimes unconsciously we are planting seeds for tomorrow, and we don't realize it until the apple falls from the tree.

Maybe some people are in a constant state of arrested development.  They will never utilize their mistakes or accomplishments as lessons.  Maybe they will continue to only hear what they want to hear, as opposed to hearing and seeing the truth.



My feelings on such topics don't truly have too much of an impact on those I am close to.  And they shouldn't.  Because they are my lessons and accomplishments to live by.

I'm not sure I've ever been so spiritually healthy and happy in my entire adult life.  Struggle and the everyday life is hard, sure, but deep down, I am happy.  I am happy with who I am, and who I have become.  Momentary struggles with insecurity tend to peek through ever so often.  Human nature tends to remind us we are just that, human.

Though that all sounds strange, because the core of me hasn't change, I suppose it makes sense because the superficial person that I tried to be, is gone.  There are very few guards left to take down.  There is no more anger or resentment.  There is no longer a need to protect myself from love, or life.  There is no reason to allow the tiny tendencies to control every single aspect, take over.

It is simply surrender.  

One day you simply surrender.  You start to see people for who they are.  You stop worrying who, what, why and where.  And you learn to live the journey instead of trying to predict the future.  It is like tending to a garden, sure the end result is what you are ultimately after, but if you forget or rush through steps during the growth process, you are left with nothing.  Or worse, scarred and tiny fruits of labor that will not sustain you in the hard times.

The difficult all of a sudden becomes easy and manageable, understanding that it will pass.  The things you can't control, you no longer control.  When you start to drop the weight of the stigmas attached to what is considered the "dream", you find yourself living it.

There is something to be felt deeply with surrender.  It's simply and complicated all at once.  When you choose to let love in, everything changes.

You no longer feel the need to rush people, or be rude.  You choose to smile instead of frown.  You stop judging others on the notion that truly, we do not know how something is unfolding behind closed doors.  And the moment you choose to judge, the very near future will provide you with a lesson in karma.  You learn to trust and you learn to open up.  There are no more hidden agendas or hidden feelings.  You just accept what your heart feels, you learn to mix it in with logic, and you start living.



 You will look down and see how far down the path you have ventured.  You will stop and take a deep breath and see those who surround you, and while everything has changed, your core remained the same.  You won't shy away from communication, understanding, and kindness.  You embrace it.  It's a blossoming of sorts, unless of course you choose to remain in arrested development.

There really isn't anything more simple than love.  All forms, all avenues.  A good friend of mine says his religion is "love".  I think I've wrote about that before.  I've always, always loved that.

It isn't an easy process at first.  But in the end, it will be worth it.

All poetry, lyrics, short stories, novel excerpts and watermarked photography for Broken & Bent is the sole ownership of Tiffany Luv Wright 2013


Feel 

When the wind grazed my neck with its fingertips, 
I thought I heard you calling, 
When I closed my eyes I realized, 
I didn't hear you calling at all.

I stopped as the breeze gently kissed my skin, 
And I stood there for a moment lost in time, 
Adjusting to the changing pace and touch,
Soon I was lost. 

My heart beat with the soft quickening of the wind, 
My eyes fluttered closed at the thought of you.
My hands and body frozen under your memory, 
My feet stoic like cement, and dare not move. 

When the breeze stopped, 
I looked up at the moving sky, 
I thought of your eyes looking into mine, 
And I realized once again, 

I didn't hear you at all.  

I felt you.  

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#listening #googoodolls #letlovein 






July 14, 2013

You can spend everyday trying to control fate. Sometimes I don't even think we realize how much we try to control it until we actually surrender.  Control and surrender has came up so much in the last few weeks in my circle of friends scattered all over the globe that I thought maybe it was worth touching on.  I didn't really understand surrender until very recently. I think it involves a plethora of subjects from patience and faith, to living in the moment and not allowing the past to define your future to an extent.  The past is obviously the scars that allow us to remember pain and happiness, knowing when to move forward in our everyday lives.  This moment is where surrender lies. It waits so patiently for us to recognise it. It sits without making a sound. When you learn to surrender what you can't control you learn to live. You start to see people and places and these defining moments differently. You surrender to the lessons of your past without allowing yourself to judge the present and stop yourself from engaging in what might turn out to be some of the most beautiful moments in your life.  You know longer allow judgement and fear to stop you from living in the present.  What shall be, shall simply be. There are so many powerful moments that create defining paths in our present.  And yet we are so focused on the past or the future that we tend to forget these beautiful moments in time. And then we are left with regret, or worse an empty heart.  See the people and moments in front of you. Wouldn't it be such a shame if you have to only remember a missed opportunity because you were so worried about the control and possible future.  We would never love.  We would never live. We would be stuck in the past or future in a present moment.   Surrender. Such a beautiful and simple word to live by.  

July 12, 2013

Pace

You can't speed it up, and you can't slow it down. It ends up going at the exact pace that you are moving at. The lessons take a step forward each time you take a step. And they wait patiently for you to see their importance. They never rush, they never go any faster than you do. When I think of them I visualize guardian angels. Guardian Angels who are holding a babys hand and watching it learn to walk, or run, or speak for the first time. Ensuring that the environment is safe for growth and expansion. I envision these angels speaking to each other in a low whisper and nodding their heads yes or no each time a step is taken,and then moving the end of the rainbow accordingly. Not that we don't get rewarded along the way, but the bigger things, I think are held back until we start seeing the smaller things. Until the personal growth starts to take off and we adjust accordingly and let the lessons come in and out as need be. We draw the teachers to us. Either by circumstance or by choice. Sometimes unknowingly, we draw them to us, not even realizing in the moment that their exact purpose is just that. In the future they will show us a different way of thinking, a different way of understanding, or a different way of loving. We won't even see it at first, just latching on to the similiarities we may share, or sometimes even hating them from the very beginning. But everyone has a purpose. Everyone has a reason for entering our life. I think about the poem "Reason, Season, Lifetime" that my very good friend sent me months and months ago. It is so very true. Everyone has a reason, they are here for a season, or they are a lifetime. I've had many of each. Probably more reasons, than seasons, and more seasons than lifetimes. But I have a lot of lifetimes, and for that I am very grateful for. Over the last few months, watching other relationships, and involved in my own of all types...I just see how complicated we make it. We make is so fucking complicated that it's nauseating. We take something as simple and easy as love and just make it so unrecognizable. I want simple. Simple love. Imperfectly perfect. The kind of love where no matter the personal issues, or shit you've been through, your hand just fits perfectly in theirs. Whether it is a friend or a romance. I love that I have learned how to accept who I am, and accept others for who they are. I don't feel the need to impress, or struggle with age, I have learned to embrace exactly who I am and that it is acceptable and okay. When your circle grows and you start noticing you are collecting all of the eclectic people, you feel your soul start to fill up. All of those different people and things in life were all missing for so long. That is when you start to notice that you are finally growing in to who you are. Rare is the occasion now for me to get upset, or envious, or jealous, or angry. I don't get as annoyed by peoples nuances anymore, or their habits, or thought processes. I just simply accept that they are who they are, and if I overlook the minor differences, I usually ending up adoring the different person they are, because I can learn from them. And that is so important. I have allowed myself to become totally empty over the last few months, and started to re-fill on what was waiting patiently for me all along. The pace is the constant. The pace that we keep in our everyday life is designed uniquely for the individual. Live, love. Enjoy the simple. And recognize the people who matter. Kindness is free, and looks will only allow you to move forward for so long, before the longing for depth and understanding start superceding the judgement of physical appearance. Live, laugh, & love always.

.Live, love.

.Live, love.