December 29, 2012

Dedicated to Jazzy

Why, hello, my far away friend.  I thought I would title the blog after you, because what I said to you today triggered my inspiration.  Our short discussion in regards to "flying solo" brought on a flood of feelings for me today. 

I write elusively in regards to my personal situation and what I am going through.  If you are close to me, then you get it right away.  You understand who or what situation I am talking about. You understand why I am applying each lesson the way I do, or each inspiration that comes up, you just get it.  Because you are here.  Even though you might live thousands of miles away, or even oceans away from me, you just get it.  You see my struggles, and fears, and you see how hard I am fighting to continue to be able to write, and bring great things in to my and my children's lives.  You understand me.  I don't have to pretend to be anyone other than myself. 

I have very few negative people left in my life, and I struggle with allowing that to take over an entire day for me.  I struggle with my temper, and I struggle to not resort to the exact same way they are approaching me.  But I will struggle no more after today.  I am not afraid.  My support system, and my faith run too deeply right now to allow it to penetrate who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. 

Every negative will be met with positive.  Every angry word, or hateful remark will be ignored and not responded to.  No longer will I allow it to take prisoner of me and make me feel badly anymore. 

It isn't about money or material objects.  It is simply about living a life that is peaceful and loving.  It is about accepting mistakes we cannot go back and change, and it is about preparing for a wonderful future for my family. 

Why does it make some so angry to see another pushing past or through their struggles?  Why are we never aware of the danger of our words and actions?  Isn't there a time in your adult life, when you announce "enough is enough" and just buckle down and do what needs to be done in order to establish peace? 

We are never alone.  We might think we are.  But at any moment in my day I can text, call, email, or invite someone over, and the beautiful thing is, they will come or they will always listen.  I was asked "where are all of your friends now" in regards to bills and money.  After thinking about this statement, it isn't about any of that.   If I have to give up every material object I have in order to escape the grasps of such negativity, then that is exactly what I will do.  I will not live under the puppet strings attached to anything that can be destroyed.  And all material things can be destroyed, they are only given to us for what, exactly?  It isn't about "stuff", it isn't about any of that.  It's about being able to breath again.  It is about restoring what was taken from your heart.  And it is about peace, and being able to understand exactly why you went through, what you went through. 

I am constantly in search of who I am, isn't that the entire purpose of each breath we take?  I am crazy, funny...I laugh at the most inappropriate times and I mumble the word "fuck".  I am moody, have a temper, but I have a heart that continues to collect some of the most beautiful people across the world who love me, for exactly those traits.  Look for those people, search for those who take you under their wings with no strings attached.  If you follow me on Twitter, then you know that I am a fiery female who says exactly what she wants.  And I've learned to love that about myself, and I've also learned when to shut my mouth. 

We are truly never flying solo. There is always someone there who will catch us if we fall.  You are in charge of whose arms you need to be in.  You are in charge of where you decide your heart lands.  Close your eyes, and think about it, let it sink in.  I promise you can come up with at least one person who would do what they needed to do in order to keep you safe. 

The New Year offers us such a great opportunity to really sit down and analyze where we have been and where we want to be.  Take the next few days to truly FEEL what you need to do.  Take the time to see who is standing right in front of you, and embrace them for who they are.  Humans are such funny creatures, but deep down inside, I believe they are good.  One candle can continuously light the others.  Be that flame.  The very first one that lights the other.  And you will see an explosion of light happen right in front of your eyes.  Maybe one candle isn't very bright, but when you set out with the purpose of lighting an entire room, soon enough you will see clearly.  One beautiful candle at a time.

Let your hair down, have fun, enjoy life.  It is simply too short to let shit bring you down to the point of extinguishing your own light. 

December 24, 2012

Happy Holidays! XOXO

We passed 700 likes on the fan page. No doubt thanks to this lovely girl, Eliza Jayne. I am super excited about the influx of people visiting, and reading my work. 

To celebrate the Holiday, I thought we would use up some of the Kindle promotions, that so kindly gives the new authors to use.  So all 3 of my books will be free from midnight tonight (give or take a few hours) thru December 26th.  That is two entire days for all of the newest Kindle owners to fill up their cues!  Merry Christmas and have a fun and safe Holiday!  xoxo

Taurean & Leo

   Follow me on Twitter @Tiffluv78 and feel free to share my blog link, fan page, or Twitter account to pass on the freebies the next two days!  Have fun, be safe, and don't forget to sneak a kiss under the mistletoe tonight! xoxo

December 23, 2012

"The Heart Of A Soldier"

Sharing a short snippet from my next release:  #Amwriting this week.  My goal is to knock out two more chapters this week.  We shall see with all of the children at home.  I foresee a lot of coffee being brewed!

"What? I am not always serious." she laughed. "I have an unhealthy addiction to all things 80's. The music, the clothes, the movies, I love it all! Especially the toys!" She smiled at him.

He was smiling and laughing at her. He took the movie from her and put it in the player. The doorbell rang, and he took the pizza. Harlow could hear how polite he was to the young pizza guy. She liked how respectful he was. Sometimes the soldiers in his rank could be downright assholes. Joel treated everyone as if they were equal. That was an important thing to her. For a man to treat others as he wanted to be treated. And to recognize human struggle and equality.

He sat the pizza box down on the coffee table, and they both took a piece. Soon, Harlow was wrapped up in his arms and they were lost in the movie. It was nice to be able to feel comfortable with him. It just felt right. Joel was always touching her softly, and surely, and she liked that. When the movie was over, Joel got up. He turned and took Harlows hand.

"Come on, it's about that time." he smiled.

"Uh-oh." said Harlow, but she allowed him to pull her up off of the couch. He grabbed a blanket off of the chair, and they headed in to his his backyard.

"So the lights might make it a little hard to see. But I know you said you love astrology, and all of that stuff. So I have a surprise." he said.

Harlow could barely make out the porch swing in the middle of the yard. It was the kind that folded down in to a bed. Joel held it still so Harlow could climb on to it. And then he rolled himself up beside her and threw the blanket over the two of them.

"So....." Harlow said curiously. "What are we doing?" Was he wanting to have sex out here? What did he have in mind? She was confused.

"Just watch." Joel pointed to the sky.

As they watched the night sky, Harlow saw what he was talking about. A shooting star raced across the dark, night sky. With it's bright head and vanishing tail, it made it's way to dip quickly in to the horizon. Harlow gasped. He didn't want to have sex out here. He planned to count the shooting stars. They had talked about it on the phone, and she had told him the stories of how she and her mother would lay out under certain meteor showers and her mother would let her make as many wishes as she could until she fell asleep. Harlow raised herself up on her elbow. How shallow she had been to think he was only after sex.

She bent down and lightly kissed Joels lips. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. And he moved her head to his chest, with his arms tightly woven around her small frame.

"Make a wish, Harlow." he said softly.

Harlow could hear his heart beating under her ear. Bump, bump. Bump, bump. She closed her eyes, and she made her wish. 
And if you are in the mood for another romance pick up a copy of Taurean & Leo, today!  You can also visit my Author Central page.
 Twitter~ @Tiffluv78

Hello, Good evening...

Miss Right, by Ne Yo. This song makes me think about the ironic way the Universe operates, every time it is on.  It's funny how when we ask for something, we think we are being clear.  And instead, we learn to be a little more specific to keep an influx of choices from opening up at once.  But isn't nice to have so many choices, along with the free will to follow through?

It is beautiful to be able to choose your own path.  To be able to choose the people you know you need to take your hand on the journey.  I think about procrastination, and how in the end if you choose, you ultimately have to be happy with your choices.  If you procrastinate sometimes the opportunity you needed to take will walk away from you, and not look back.  Choose wisely, but quickly and effectively.  Choose by listening to your deepest parts of your heart and soul.  You know what is right, it's been inside you the entire time. 

I've spent the last couple of months being able to recognize the choices that are right for me, and my children, and those close to me.  I like that I don't take the time to procrastinate any more.  I like that I don't have to concern myself with anothers opinion on  making a choice that is good for me, and my childrenand the very core of who I am.  Eliminating negative forces and negative thoughts has been an uphill battle. But it is well worth it. It's hard to think that the opinions you've counted on in the past, might not be useful anymore when you cross a bridge in to a different part of your life.  Sometimes it is difficult to admit that while they served a purpose on your journey, ultimately their own destiny was not meant to be yours as well.  But sometimes, you meet another person, and you realize that their journey is to hold your hand on yours.  You learn to incorporate them in to your life, without changing a thing about them, or yourself.  You learn to see them clearly, and understand why you were destined to be on the same path together.  You understand the timing.  You just "get it". 

 Sometimes the paths we end up are not exactly where we thought we were going to be.  But, sometimes they are exactly where we wanted to be, deep down, hidden beneath the surface of our preconceived ideas of "normal".  I have wanted for so long to surround myself with a collection of beautiful people with different ethnic backgrounds, and different cultures, and different personalities and try to blend them in to my life, and I have accomplished that.  I have learned to appreciate the diversity, and yet the entirety of the people in my life.  I see reflections of myself in their stories, and I see the connection we have had, and were destined to make.  Sometimes you don't understand what is happening to you at the time, usually within the incidents own time, you learn the lesson you were supposed to walk away with. 
 I rarely live in regret.  I can only think of a handful of times, when that word has even crossed my mind.  Most of those instances are born from my childhood, that which I had no control over.  The beautiful thing, is now, I have control.  I choose where I want to break ground, and sink my roots in as deep as they can go. I get to choose who I want to soil my hands with.   I choose who brings me happiness, and in the same breath pain.  And I choose, happiness.  I choose it to show my children, and those whom I have surrounded myself with.  I choose to be okay with who I have become, and who I have always been.  I choose to eliminate that which does not feed anything positive in to my entire existence.  I cannot choose for anyone else but myself.  Even my own children have to learn to choose, and see what their purpose is, without the influence of my own life and it's path.  The only thing I can show them is, simply, love.  With a touch of confidence that their own choices, will be just that, their own.  And show them their choices will always serve their purpose. 
 Isn't funny, how when you are just about to give up, many, many doors open up for you?  Then you are left with the choice of which ones to close, and which ones to open.  If you wait, and you stare too long trying to choose which one is yours, they will slowly start to close.  Then when you look back, you have to be okay with your own procrastination.  I believe you can walk through many doors at once.  Maybe the more doors you walk through, the closer you will be to finding what your own purpose is.  Maybe, the answers are behind many different doors, at least they have been for me.  I understand every single thing that has happened to me over the course of the last few years.  It's nice to be able to see it clearly for the first time, in a long time.  Learn to ask, but also, learn to believe you are deserving for what it is you are asking for.  Believe that you are here for a purpose.  Believe that you can love, and live the way you want to live. 

December 20, 2012

The End Of The World

On the Eve of the 21st, why wouldn't I appropriately title the blog entry "The End Of The World"?  It isn't the end, but possibly the beginning of something spectacular.  I mean, there are cosmic happenings that only occur every million years, and every 26,000 years!  So why would anyone choose to be preparing for the end?  And not focusing on the possibility of a new beginning? 

I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days about the things that have taken place. I stopped questioning why a long, long time ago.  Now, instead of why, I ask myself "what"?  What do I need to be learning from this person, or this situation, or this choice?  As I take a look around at how much my life has changed in the last year, it is incredible.  Sometimes we have those "ah-ha" moments so much, that you can't help but to go back and see what we needed to see.  If you had seen it at the time, it wouldn't have made sense.  The Universe is funny like that.  I don't know that I believe so much in karma anymore, as I believe when you aren't living the way you are supposed to, and you do not see what you are needing to see, that is when things seem to get tough.  When you are not paying attention to your heart and the desires it is leading you to accomplish, that is when it starts to unravel. 

I look back at the people I have collected over the last few years, and I see the purpose they have had in my life, and continue to have.  I see their faults, and their imperfections, their love, their joy and sadness, and I see their lessons in my life. I simply have learned to just enjoy the moment and try not to dwell on the past, or the future.  There are some who believe that tonight at midnight there will be a collective shift in humanity, and that it is for the good.  I think that the power of that thought attached to that belief, has all of the power in the world.  Why wouldn't you choose to see the positive in all of this chaos we live in?  Why wouldn't you stop tomorrow and just simply see, the beauty and love that surrounds you.  You don't have to be with anyone to see the beauty our simple and complicated world has to offer.  You can simply stop, breath, and feel that all will be okay. 

A long time ago, I pushed back who I was.  It wasn't normal to see things so differently than the rest of the people I knew.  It was only until I started to accept who I am, and voice exactly what I wanted out of this life, that I realized that some of those same people believed very similarly to what I believed in, they too were just afraid to voice it.  A long time ago, I never believed I could find someone to love me, for me.  To see through the everyday things that happen in life, to see through my faults and imperfections, and to see through the brick wall I had put up.  Then, when I let go of the fear, that is when it happened.  All of a sudden, I had so many standing in front of me, their imperfections so plainly visible that it made them perfect.  They were perfect for me, and I understood the importance of each and every one of them. They were beautiful and imperfect at the same time.  They were perfect contradictions to what society views as amazing and beautiful.

I am standing in front of the rest of my life, and for the first time in a long time, I am not afraid.  I have my moments of insecurity, but I am not afraid. 

I have chosen to keep the positive in my life, and I have chosen to see exactly what is in front of me.  And I choose to live and be happy, and see the good and love that surrounds our world.  I asked for something recently, within the last few weeks.  I begged for it, nightly, in the middle of crying myself to sleep.  And lying, deep underneath, after the first time I asked for it, and when I got out of the way and didn't realize it was occurring, it happened It is imperfectly, perfect.  And it is beautiful.  It came out of nowhere, and now I find myself planning an entirely different course for my life than I had imagined. 

Happy "End of the World", mine is not the end, but the beginning.  I hope you choose to see tomorrow that way, as well.  Say what you need to say, see what you need to be seeing, and hear what needs to be heard.  Eliminate what needs to go, and let the Universe replace it with something better, and understand that it is necessary in order to move on.  Forgive yourself for past mistakes and believe that you deserve only the good.  Don't take any moments for granted after midnight tonight, choose to love, and love fiercelyThen, stand back and watch the magic unfold. 

December 17, 2012


Everyone goes through their periods of highs and lows.  Some of that is based on life circumstances, some of it is based on Astrological sign, some of it based on your rising sign, and some of it is just a matter of a glitch in the personality. 

Today is one of those days for me.  Thank you Corina for sending me the message that you sent.  You always seem to know what to say.  I always send messages of love, and it's always nice to receive.  Adriana posted a powerful message on Facebook as well this morning, that kind of kicked me in the ass, and I needed it.  You can find her here. And dear Corina can be found here.  Both are very powerful women, and I believe, have the nurturing words a lot of us seek out.  Whether you are a man, or a woman.  And whether you are young, or old. 

Living a religion of "love", as my friend Rhett called it, is hard.  When you are an artist you have to be okay with portraying this language in your pieces, and then be okay with putting it out there.  You have to learn to really understand why you are feeling what you are feeling, and you have to learn to be okay with who you are, especially when going against the hard-edged grain of todays world.  I believe that the majority of the world is good.  In lew of recent events, I can see that most people have a collective view on how these situations should be dealt with.  And that there MUST be someone to blame.  In the end, aren't we all searching for the same simple answer? 

I am having to take a step back the last couple of days and re-assess myself, my goals, and why I believe in what I do.  I am also learning that when someone says they love you, to just let them.  That is hard to do.  I have to see myself for who I am.  I have to understand that self doubt is normal, and learn not to shut everyone out.  I like the "pause" feature I recently started practicing, thanks to Adriana.  But now I am learning who I should be putting on "Pause" more than others.  I am trying to move past self doubt, and negativity, and just continue to believe that dreams do come true.  I am a leaning post for some, others just blow past without a second thought.  Those are the ones who are on "pause" for a while longer.  I think I allow myself to believe that I am not good enough, even though I see anothers faults and I accept them, I choose to still pull myself back and think that they are not going to accept me.  I love unconditionally, why is it so ludacris to believe another can love me the exact same way?

Living in todays world is hard.  It's even harder when you are trying on a daily basis to really breath in the present moment, and have blind faith that as long as you are emitting positive energy that it is going to come back to you.  It works, I know.  I've seen it.  I just still have that tiny piece that says "You are not good enough." 

I stopped working on "The Heart Of A Soldier" recently after deciding I was done chasing rainbows, only to end up standing in front of the "pot of gold".  And yet, here I am, standing right in front of it, still going through self doubt.  Kessinger, if you're reading this, now you know I go through it too, often. 

So, the next few days I will be working on the novel.  I have to finish it, and I have to keep believing.  It is days like this that makes it hard to see through the storm.  Deep inside, I know it's all going to be okay.  If I can just kick that part of myself in the ass, to stop worrying, and stop doubting why I am writing in the first place.  And that is to allow others to live a dream, even if it is through words.  I need to believe.  Only now, I am living and breathing it everyday in my real life, the last few weeks.  It isn't only in words.  That is beautiful.  I need to continue to push past the uncomfortable feeling, and just accept that living outside of my comfort zone is going to pay off. 

I like to write when I am feeling so many different emotions.  I honestly believe it keeps me human, it lets others who are reading understand that there are so many different depths to what we feel,  sometimes you take on step forward, only to have to take two steps back and once again understand that you are good enough, and to continue on the path you know you are supposed to be on. 

Keep waiting, keep believing, and continue to live outside of your comfort zone.  At least for a little while longer, until you feel the thread start to pull apart, and before you know it, the entire thing is unraveled in front of your eyes. 

December 12, 2012

Clarity, finally.

It's funny because I know I blogged about clarity a few weeks ago.  Then November hit and it was like everything clouded up again.  Such is life, I suppose.  One of great ups & downs.  We learn to either go with the flow, or we learn to fight against it in hopes of a better existence on the other side of the rough current.  I definitely go against the waves.  I think that's one of my favorite things about life, is learning to lead yourself through a storm and understanding that the rainbow on the other side is worth the fight.  I think it is what keeps me completely sane. 

November was rough.  Mostly the end of it.  At least so I thought.  Funny, how you think what you are going through might not have a purpose and you start to see doubt.  You doubt your self, you doubt your faith, and you doubt your own heart.  Then...something happens.  It's like a spark.  One spark.  Then the next time you try, there are more sparks.  It turns in to an addiction to continue to push forward until you start the fire.  Soon, you understand all of the motions you had to take to get there.   You are standing in front of a fire that cannot be controlled.  Only the forces of nature could put out such flames.  Not any human hand.  That is a beautiful moment. 

I spent much of the last 4 or 5 weeks trying to piece together what some things were meaning.  Why certain people were brought in to my life.  The minute I decided to not try and see it right away, and I just let it be.  That is when the clarity settled in. Little by little, piece by piece, the picture became more clear.  Now, the entire picture is not there yet, but the important part is I get to see the purpose of a few people that have been brought in and out of my life over the course of several months.  That is beautiful.  That is what makes the storm worth every bit of the disaster and damage we worry about it causing. 
Cassie and I had a really intense conversation this week about having a catalyst.  A catalyst that sends an entire series of events in to play.  We spoke about how one teeny, tiny decision or action, or moment of impact can change an entire life.  It changes the ENTIRE course you were on.  It happens when you don't even know it.  For me it started to change when I started to write.  I saw more of myself than I had seen in years.  I understood so many things about who I was, and why I chose the things I chose.  To be honest, a lot of choices were out of complacency or out of fear.  I was guarded and closed up.  So many choices were based on what others people would think, or how they would react.  The the crazy thing is, it opened up an entire world to me, and that world included the people who truly love, quite simply, me.  When you have a moment like that, it rocks your entire world.  It causes you to pause.  Which happened a few weeks ago.  Then you get to experience that moment of clarity. 

The moment I let go of fear.  The fear of being alone.  The fear people were judging my choices.  The fear of I suppose, being myself.  That is when it happened for me.  I can't emphasize enough how important it is to allow yourself to just let go of it.  To allow yourself to be you, the good and the bad, the light and the dark.  It cleared the way for an entirely new way of thinking, and it cleared the way for me to fully understand trust.  It cleared the way to understand love.  In many, many different contexts. 
When you bring people in your life who truly accept who you are.  When they understand you completely, and they accept the reasoning behind your decisions, and they still love you fiercely, that is when you get the moments that take your breath away. 
There's really only one reason we live, and it isn't complicated.  It's simple, pure, and wonderful.  We don't have enough time to waste on negativity and worry.  Life only gets in the way of love (no matter the context) when we allow.  Those who learn to build their love and relationships on a solid foundation, and more importantly, with a healthy understanding of what it truly means to love from the inside out, those are the people who will live the meaning of life. 
I'm working on becoming that.  I hope that you are too. I am such a lucky girl the last few weeks.  The funny thing is, it was being weaved like a spider web that is spun overnight.  It just appeared with no effort on my part, and it was beautiful. 
I see the purpose of so many people now, that it makes it worth it.  That is a wonderful moment.   Because in a few months if I end up in a place of worry again, I can come back, read through this and remind myself that it is only momentarily, I can pause, and I can just allow what is meant to be, be meant to be. 
Is it January yet? 

December 10, 2012

Standing In Front Of Me

Mr. Kessinger, I know you read my blog, so I'm directing my first paragraph to you.  You are fabulous, and a great friend.  When I told you that you described yourself too lightly, you did.  And when you told me you trusted my advice last week, I doubted myself.  It's been so incredibly hard for me, and huge ups and downs.  And for a split second I thought to myself, "what if"?  What if there isn't any magic left?  What if I was leading you down a blind path of disappointment and regret? 

Well, without going in to details because my story is just beginning, I will tell you I have no doubts.  I have no doubts that there is magic out there and that the Universe is listening with everything she has.  I have no doubts that when you hold on to your dreams and what your heart is telling you exists, that something shifts and in her own time, the magic is delivered.  Signed, sealed, and set right down in to the palm of your hand.  It happens.  It exists.  And it's beautiful. 

And to some it's going to be unbelievable.  It will be a foreign concept to hold on to something so fiercely.  To believe in something that isn't logical.  But if you don't hold on to it, you lose the lessons of the heart.  And you miss the entire purpose of our short lives on the planet. 

It can be happening right now, and you don't even know it.  And then when the shift completes its cycle, you are left standing in front of something so powerful and right, that there is no turning it away.  You know it, because you feel it.  It is right, simply because it is right.  It isn't painful, or tragic, or clouded.  There are no regrets.  And if you had not lived with the lessons of the pain, and let go of the fear, that is when it happens.  But I don't know that it shifts until the Universe believes you are ready, and until you let go of the fear.  Until you learn to accept the pain and the darkness, then in exchange, she hands you the happiness and the light.  I accepted it weeks ago.  And I put everything on pause.  And I spent time trying to see what lessons I was missing.  All of the people who had crossed my paths over the last few years, weeks, and even days, and I started to see it.  It was like finding the missing pieces of a puzzle I've had lying around for years.  And when I started to put the pieces in their proper places, I started to feel things shifting and clarity settling in.  And it was okay to breath.  The pausing worked, A.  It worked for me.  If only for a few short weeks. It helped. 

I was so focused on the happy ending, that I had lost the entire point of the story.  Now, I see the story.  And it's unfolding, and it's beautiful.   And it's most importantly, magical.  And though some might be blinded by it, that doesn't affect my story.  Because it's real.  And in my world, where I get to make the decisions, and I get to believe in fairy tales, and I choose to see the good, beauty and wonder that were given to us, that is okay.  And when I say I believe everything happens for a reason, I can.  You don't have to, but I can, and everything that happens to and for me, I see the reasons. 

I have collected so many beautiful people over the last few months, and I wouldn't trade any of their purposes for anything. 

And there's someone else reading,  you'll understand when I post the video I post.  Because some how, far away, you know.  You see me, and you just, know.  And it's beautiful. 

December 6, 2012


Poems, novel excerpts, and lyrics are sole ownership of Tiffany Luv Wright Copyright 2012-2013


Time changes, color fades
the sounds are so loud
And all I want is quiet
protection, security, light, more color

Smoke another cigarette
take another shot
At least you when you sleep
you won't think
It'll be clouded, your in control of it

Always searching for that one
moment that you can feel
But we chose them
and when we have them
We don't even realize it, we let them go
and someone else steps in to take our throwaways
And makes them colorful again

It happens overnight
you awake with your day cloudy now
You can't cover it up during the daylight
it bleeds your soul dry
It bleeds your heart empty
it leaves you cold and broken and quiet
No matter how you try to warm it up

By the time you awaken
the color is back
Time has changed
we see what we missed or
Maybe what we wasted our energy on

When you move so fast you can't keep up
when you move so slow you miss it and lose it

Glancing back over your shoulder
looking back at the pain
You realize that stopping it was impossible
healing it is impossible for right now

And now it's time for you to change everything. 

December 5, 2012

Love Is.

So today, I was texting back and forth and we were in deep conversation in regards to what love really means.  Arguing over whether not love is hard.  And by accident I sent my explanation to a friend, and was immediately embarrassed that I had sent it, and sent him an apology.  The text went to the wrong person.  As my face flushed, I wasn't even sure why I was blushing, I write about love, I blog about love, I re-post on Facebook and Twitter about love.  (Yes, I am fully aware of my humor on Twitter, as well, two very different social medias)  I was embarassed because I am only in the learning process of letting people see, who I truly am.  And who I have become.  And after thinking about it for a while, I decided I might as well post it here.  It is who I am.  And it is nothing to be afraid of. 

Love shouldn't be hard.  LIFE is hard, not loveLove is easy.  When it becomes hard, then I believe that is a problem.  You can go through hard times, and it isn't the love that is hard.  As a matter of fact, I believe it can make the problems and issues easier to face knowing that there is someone there to hold your hand, to believe in you, to understand that life, is well, life.  What is better than facing a problem with someone who wants with all of their heart to love you through it?  Who believes in you?  Who listens to you cry, or yell, or even understands your silence?  There might not be anything.  At least not in this materialistic and fast-paced life. 

This goes back to be totally aware of what you are saying, and how you are treating someone.  From the youngest of children, to the elderly.  You should be aware of how you are approaching someone, you should be aware of the words coming out of your mouth.  EVEN when you are angry.  So many times we allow anger to justify saying disgusting and hateful things, but as we get older we should stop that cycle.  It isn't healthy, it damages permanently.  It costs the other person huge pieces of their heart and soul, and often times they cannot recover from it.  They shut down.  They shut you out.  They only remember the negative, and vile things that were said to them. 

When you love someone, love them.  There is a fine line between love and hatred, as there is between the light and the dark.  It's when you become aware of that line, that you can start to alter your relationships with others.  Be aware.  Be responsible.  And it goes back to the age old adage of teaching your children to treat others the way they would like to be treated. 

There are so many different kinds of love, and variations, but there is really only one definition of hatred.  And there truly is no excuse for it. There is not a good enough excuse in the world to push someone to the point of not being able to control what you do, or they do, or the crowd does.  There just simply isn't an excuse for not controlling your words.  We are all human, and we all make mistakes.  We all get mad, and rage on about what we think is correct.  But there comes a point where loving someone is much easier than fighting and hatred.  And if you have to, then you keep yourself on nuetral ground and speak with no emotion at all.  I believe it's better than spewing disgusting names, and pointing out past faults, or attacking another person verbally.  Sometimes silence is the best answer. 

It's easier to be silent, than to regret saying something that the other person might remember for the rest of their lives.  What a huge burden to know you damaged someone so badly that when they think of you, they only remember the painful things you have said to them. 

Be aware.  Be kind.  Be, love. 

Love is patience.  Love is kind.  It isn't cruel, or expecting.  Love makes you feel better about yourself.  Love is protection and security.  Love is allowing someone to cry, and yet not wanting to see then hurt.  Love is truth.  It is beautiful and makes you stronger.  No matter how far apart you are, love can make you feel safe.  It's easy to loveEasy.  Not hard.  And if you don't practice it, you lose it. 

December 4, 2012

You Win.

These lyrics are the sole property of Tiffany Luv Wright 12/04/2012

She knew how hard it would be
she knew she wanted it all
You knew how hard you would fall
so you chose to let go of it all

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere
Sometimes we let it disappear
Sometimes you know she's hurt
and you let her love you anyways

You knew she was yours and
you kept her waiting
She kept giving and you kept taking

You were too weak to keep her in
your arms
But never let go of her heart
and now it's going to show

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere
Sometimes we let it disappear
Sometimes you know she's hurt
and you let her love you anyways

You tore her world apart
selfish with your own heart
She was one in a million
and now you're all alone
The times' come and you can't move on

Maybe you should have held on
you should have taken her love
And given back to her
She's gone and you're left with empty
hands and a broken heart

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere
Sometimes we let it disappear
Sometimes you know she's hurt
and you let her love you anyways

She was too different for you
But she's not too different for me

December 1, 2012


I wasn't going to blog tonight.  Usually I try to on Sunday.  But for some reason, pouring out my heart to whomever might be reading seemed appropriate tonight.  A writer is supposed to write when they are touched, or full of emotion.  Supposedly that is when the best stuff comes to the surface.  So I thought, what the hell.  May as well, I've shared so much already at this point with my readers, might as well just put it all out on the table.  I had such a stressful week, with school, bills, the kids,  Christmas, and trying to find time to write.  I was so overwhelmed.  It gets so HARD

T.J. came over tonight.  He is a single dad.  And we (meaning me, him, and Cassie) helped the kids decorate the Christmas tree and make gingerbread houses.  And it was a beautiful evening with two other people going through, or have gone through similar situations that I am. Trying to make the best out of what we have, together.  It was beautiful.  I was talking to him about how difficult it would be to find someone to spend time with, and he said something that was enlightening.  He said that I want someone who proves themselves.  It isn't that I am picky, but that I am longing for someone to come along and be that great love, that passionate person who isn't afraid of feeling, and isn't afraid to basically love me unconditionally.  T.J., if you're reading this, I adore you.  You are a good friend to me.  And I am very grateful to have you. 

So now everyone is out for the evening.  And I'm all alone.  And that is when it sets in.  That is when I can cry.  And just let the hurt out.  The absolute loneliness and finality of the future that creeps in.  That is when the truth, that maybe all of the shit I've believed all this time, doesn't really exist.  I try my hardest to live a life full of love.  But, since I was a child, I have believed in that great love.  That love that people write about, the kind I write about.  The kind that only a few get to experience.  I have great loves.  But I'm talking about being around someone that you can cry in front of, and be your absolute worst and they accept you.  They can't turn away from you, they don't forget about you, they don't get lazy.  They understand that you are, well, human.  And full of flaws and great beauty at the same time. 

I can't help that I am a hopeless romantic.  I can't change it.  It is who I am.  I'll crawl in to bed tonight and probably end up crying myself to sleep in desperation trying to figure out where I went wrong, and how to fix all of it.  And I'll get up in the morning and put an enormous smile on my face for the children, and those who come around, but it's painful.  It down right sucks sometimes.  I think it's the stone cold fact that with 4 children, and all of the mess that I am, I am going to be alone for a very long time.  I think the finality of that hits like a brick.  It's almost too much to think about, because thinking about it makes my heart beat fast, and I feel like I'm falling.  But I will do it anyways, because I believe that being unhappy with someone is just as damaging as being all alone, and knowing you are going to be alone. 

I am nerdy, and sarcastic.  And I read and write, a lot, probably too much if that is possible.  I am a dreamer, and when I love, I love fiercely, but when I hate, it is just as fierce.  I shut down, and don't let anyone in when I am afraid of being hurt.  I think the dreamer, is the biggest fault.  Holding on to the belief that mankind is good, and that we should be living a language of love, that is what keeps me somewhat of a black sheep.  The kind of person that sees the good, when there shouldn't be any good.  That is the fault that seems to keep giving me a broken heart.  I keep believing.  And yet there is still a part of my heart that is under lock and key.  And I don't know that it can ever be unlocked. 

 Lifehouse sings "Broken", and the lyrics say "I try my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead.".  And that is, simply, me. 

A, if you read this, you told me to write about it. That there were others who needed me to talk about it, so I guess I am doing that.

 Maybe this matters to someone out there. And as long as you continue to believe, and understand that in the end, everything ends up the exact way it was supposed too, then I suppose we'll all be okay.  You will meet who you are supposed to meet, every closed door leads to an open one, and that sometimes it's okay to stumble. 


November 25, 2012

Rewind, Pause, Fast Forward...Pause.

So I thought all week about what I wanted to touch on this week.  And I had a conversation with Adriana in NYC this week and I had an idea bouncing around in my head, and she was on the same page.  So I figured I might as well. 

We touched on the darkness and the light, which I know I talk about a lot (A Box Full Of Darkness), but I think it's true.  So often we need the dark in order to appreciate the light.  And I needed a small reminder of that. 

This isn't going to be easy.  Nor is it going to be painless.  And I have to be okay with that.  I go through my day and fill it with so many people, places, and things to do that lately I've been over-whelmed.  And I came across a Facebook post about "wanting to rewind", and I thought about that too, as the word "pause"came up. 

It's time to pause.  I'm not fast forwarding anymore, and I'm certainly not rewinding.  It's time to pause.  It's time to put everyone, and everything except those who have been there through the blood, sweat and tears on pause.  I won't be returning many texts, calls, or emails in the coming weeks as I enjoy the Holidays with my children and those who truly have been here.  Not that there are many who haven't been there, but people don't like other peoples messy lives.  Until they go through a mess themselves.  And then it clicks with them, that they might have needed that "messy" person all along.  And that "messy" person has moved on.  But usually a person who has gone through the darkness, while appreciating the light, won't turn their back on someone who comes back with the "AHA!" look on their face, while the tears are streaming down. 

I'm just pausing.  Pausing to see the beauty.  Pausing to experience the people I adore.  And pausing to love.  Again, that word. 

I won't stop blogging, writing, or putting out messages I feel will help someone.  Because as Adriana kindly reminded me, someone out there, somewhere needs my words and experiences to move forward.  Or maybe even, pause. 

Me, Kyle, and Erica were featured on the Gap billboard in Times Square this week, and their campaign is based on "Love".  And I am truly blessed with love.  So for hundreds to see it as they Holiday shop in the middle of NYC, that is awesome! 

Enjoy your weeks and the coming Holidays!  Watch for more updates, and insights.  And as always, love!  It truly is the only thing in this world that is free, and often times comes back tenfold. 

November 18, 2012

Inspirational Sunday!

I felt inspired to put in some more effort in to " The Heart Of A Soldier " today.  I ended up writing around 4K in words.  And could have easily kept going, unfortunately, someone has to feed the children and animals.  So without much further chattering, I am going to post an entire chapter for you to read.  I cannot wait to write this week, as I am thinking I can add another 10K in words after the twist I came up with today.  Wouldn't it be nice if this "was" my day job?  Enjoy, and as always feel free to comment or share my links.  Love to you all! 
Remember, this is raw and un-edited. 

"I'm just not sure what to think." Harlow replied to Dani. They had spent at least an hour already on the phone this morning. "I'm so nervous."

"Well, you already did it, and that was fabulous. Are you planning on staying the night with him? I mean your mom goes home tomorrow, you should." Danielle laughed. "Besides, what's the worse that can happen, if it ends badly, it ends badly. If it doesn't then you have a hot soldier, who adores you. What's the problem Harlow?" She stopped and waited.

"I don't know. I just don't want to end up hurt. I know I always talk about no regrets,'s different this time. I mean, I don't know what he's after. We are very different, what does he want with a single mom, who likes to ponder life, and has nothing to offer him?" She sat silent for a minute. "I know you say I cut myself short all the time, but honestly Dani, I am no catch. And I always, ALWAYS attract the wrong ones."

"Well, he may be wrong, but he may be right. You need to stop that. You are worth it, Harlow. So what? You are philosophical, and you are deep, but you are also beautiful, funny, and a good person. So what if you two are different, if it's there, it's there. Don't let it go, or you're going to end up regretting it. Trust me, I feel it. And you know how my feelings are when it comes to this stuff. Just stop being weird and go with it." Danielle stopped.

Harlow sighed in to the phone. "Fine. If it ends up being an all nighter, then so be it. Mom already said she would keep the girls and not to worry. She doesn't leave until late tomorrow. Can I tell you how sad I am to see her go. Its been nice feeling like an adult this week and having a life. What should I wear?" Harlow replied. Harlow could hear Mark telling Danielle something on the other end of the phone. Harlow waited.

"You have got to be kidding me?" Danielle said to Mark. She sighed annoyingly. "Did you hear that?" she asked Harlow.

"No, what?" Harlow waited.

"Apparently Mark heard James talking at work yesterday, and Carrie is coming back. Did Joel say anything to you...What?" Danielle asked Mark. "Oh, never mind, apparently he just found out yesterday. Think he will mention it? These soldiers gossip more than we do." Harlow could hear Danielle's annoyed tone.

"I don't know, should I ask him? Or wait for him to bring it up?" The thought of running in to Joel's ex-wife was nauseating. And of course, she would come along and ruin the entire last few weeks she had with him. Although, she was happy for him, he would get some extra time with his children. That was the positive. Her heart sank at the thought of dealing with Carrie and Becky.

"No, just wait. You know how men are, they are weird." Danielle responded. "Give it a few days, and see if he tells you."

Harlow hated knowing something she wasn't supposed to know yet. She was a horrible liar, she always had been, and it would be hard to not let curiosity take over. Sometimes, she hated being such a girl.

The women continued to chat another 15 minutes, and by the time Harlow hung up from Danielle, she was feeling much better about where she might be heading. Danielle seemed to have faith it was all for a purpose. Harlow had her doubts. It wouldn't be long before he hurt her. Men always say they want a woman like Harlow, and then in the end, they end up throwing them away because they are "too deep", or "too independent". The list always grew each time something ended. And Harlow always felt worse than when it had started. That is why she had shied away from anything serious lately. It was much easier to detach, then it was to invest and end up on the receiving end of a bad joke.

Joel wanted to spend the entire day with her. She was nervous, and she didn't know why. They were meeting at the beach, maybe in the sunlight, he wouldn't think she was so special. Maybe he would truly see "her". And then she would never hear from him again. She needed to remain strong, and not let his whispers in her ear, or his touch affect her ability to keep the situation under control. He made it difficult to for her to remember her strength. And that was a problem for her. She never saw this coming. Maybe that was why it was so magical to her. Because she didn't expect it. He came out of nowhere. And he made her feel special. But she knew the reality was, it didn't last. As much as she had loved Jimmy, this feeling never lasts. And yet she couldn't shake the feeling that Joel was different. He wasn't vague and placid. There was something that went deep in him, just under the surface that she wanted to see, something he hid from everyone else. And she was going to be herself for once. She didn't feel like if she hid any part of her personality, she would benefit from it. Usually when she dealt with men, she only showed them what they wanted to see. Most shied away from a female who could stand on her own two feet, and had a different belief system. She truly believed in love, and the fact that it existed, even if she hid it from everyone she knew. That belief made her vulnerable. And she hated to be vulnerable.

She was supposed to meet him at 3. She wasn't even sure what they would be doing. She spent the later part of the morning chatting with her mother. Jenny looked at her watch.

"Harlow, it's almost 1:30. Maybe you should go get ready." she smiled at her daughter.

"I will. I am going to miss you so much, mom. What am I going to do without you?" Harlow looked at her mother. The lines on her mothers face had deepened over the years, but her eyes were still vibrant and filled with love. Jenny reached out and patted Harlows hand.

"It will be fine. You do it by yourself all the time, honey. Maybe now you won't have to much longer. Joel is fantastic. I see something in him. And you know I am rarely wrong." she winked at Harlow.

"Dani says the same thing. But, I don't know. It will probably turn out the same way everything else does. I'm just going to go with it, and enjoy it while it lasts. I just don't want to be hurt." she looked at her mother again. Jenny could see the worry in her eyes.

"Harlow, you have to live for yourself. Not for your children, not for me, not for anyone else but yourself. And then everything else falls in to place. You need to believe. Don't let that cynical side of yours break through to the surface. You will wind up alone, and miserable. Life gives us people for two reasons, they are either a blessing, or they are a lesson. And you cannot have one with out the other. Have fun tonight, never mind that she is coming back. Maybe he honestly loves who you are. You fascinate him, you know? That is a good thing. Once a man becomes a man, he is less and less intrigued by beauty alone. A woman with a strong mind and beauty to match is rare in these times. Just let it be. And enjoy it for once." Jenny signed and smiled at her stubborn daughter. "When a man comes along, he will either love you for who you are, or he will not. It's up to you to allow him to see who you truly are, but it's up to him to decide if that is who he truly wants. Now go. The girls and I have a huge evening planned, and we can't start until you are gone." She winked at Harlow.

Harlow got up and headed to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Joel had said not to wear anything special. She put some extra time in to her hair, and makeup. She wanted to look and feel beautiful. She wanted him to think she was special. She just wasn't sure that she was. Maybe after tonight, he would see her for her true self and she'd never hear from him again. Stop. She told herself. Stop selling yourself short. She shook her head at her reflection in the mirror. Being a female, with it's confidence and yet the self doubt, in general was a curse.

Tonight was going to be special. She would be herself, and see if he accepted it. A lesson, or a blessing. Maybe both. The words her mother had spoken were fresh in her mind as she left the house to meet him. The drive there, she was nervous. She wasn't sure why, they had spent the last few days getting to know one another on a deeper level. She was curious about his PTSD. And the underlying anger he seemed to contain. A lot of soldiers dealt with it. And while some didn't want to admit they were affected, most with multiple deployments were never the same as before they served. Ever. In time, maybe she would grow to understand why he was affected so deeply with the internal torture. He had been with Jimmies unit, and that had been a huge tragedy in itself. Harlow wasn't sure she would ever be over the gruesome way the soldiers had lost their lives that day.

She arrived at the beach and parked next to his truck. His windows were tinted, but she could see just slightly through the window, the drivers side was empty. She looked down the beach, and she could see him walking her way. He had a white tank top on, and board shorts, and he was barefoot. His brown skin was so beautiful. There were a few girls sitting together on towels, and she could see them giggle at him as he sauntered by. She smiled. He was gorgeous to look at.

She got out of her car. She bent back in to the car to grab her sunglasses, and when she came out he was already standing at her door. He took her door from her hands and shut it for her. When it clicked, he pulled her in to his arms and kissed her softly, stopping to breath her in, and rub the tip of his nose to hers. His kisses made her weak in the knees. All of the so called strength was tossed in to the wind with his kiss. She was completely in his grasp. This was a problem. A problem she didn't want to solve. She allowed his mouth to take control, and soon enough, she was standing there breathless letting his arms hold her up.

"I missed you." he said softly, as he nuzzled her nose with his again. He smiled.

Harlow could barely get the words out "I missed you too."

Joel let his grasp loosen, and he turned to the back of his truck. He pulled out a blanket and handed it to her. Then he pulled out another blanket, and a small cooler.

"I thought we could spend the evening watching the water, and the sun set. We can go back to my place later when it cools off, if you want. Maybe watch movies, or something." He grinned at her. He sat the cooler down and unlocked the truck door. He reached in under the seat and pulled out a bottle of her favorite wine. She had mentioned it on their first date. He turned to her, holding the bottle up with a cocky grin.

"Very nice, you were paying attention. I guess that scores you some more points." she said sarcastically, and laughed. She took the wine and Joel picked the cooler, and blanket back up. The two headed back down to the water. Joel stopped at the exact place they had made love two nights ago. He spread out the blanket, and sat the cooler down.

Harlow kicked off her shoes and sat down. Joel sat beside her. He opened the cooler. He had been paying more attention than she had realized.

"So, I picked up Brie, grapes, crackers, and the wine. I don't know how you live on this stuff personally, but if we get hungry later we will order a pizza. Deal?" he laughed at her. Harlow smiled. Here was this enormous, muscle packed man, and he was trying to live on what she liked. She laughed.

"Deal. I love pizza too." she replied.

"I never eat stuff like this, I guess because I am a guy, but hopefully you will see the effort I put in to it. And appreciate the funny looks I got at the store when I asked where this type of cheese was. I don't even think I pronounced it right." He smiled at her.

She couldn't help but smile back. This was it. Here he was making all of the effort and she was sitting there like a locked up fortress. What had she said to him the other night? No regrets. It was time to start living by her own words. She crawled across the blanket and gently placed herself between his legs with her back on his chest. She scooted the cooler over to the two of them and took out the food. They sat for a while eating the grapes and crackers. Joel made faces at the cheese, but still pretended to like it. It made Harlow laugh, because she knew he hated it. When they finished, Joel opened the wine.

"I forgot cups." He said suddenly.

"Who needs cups." Harlow responded. "We'll just share from the bottle."

He reached in to the cooler and pulled out the corkscrew. "At least I remembered this!" He smiled at her.

Harlow leaned back in to Joel, letting him hold her up. They passed the wine back and forth.

Joel brushed her hair back away from her ear. His voice was barely above a whisper in her ear.

"You are so different from anyone I've ever met. Years ago I would have been afraid of a woman like you. You are smart, and poetic, and beautiful Harlow. Just so different." he said. "But in a good way, don't go reading too much in to that like a typical girl." he laughed softly.

Harlow sighed.

"I am different, very different, Joel. I see the good. I see the struggle, and the beauty in the pain. I don't know if you will like all of me." she responded. Again, the self doubt evident in her tone of voice.

"Well, so far, I'm liking it. Like I said, a girl like you would have intimidated me years ago. I guess I was just immature. You are a breath of fresh air. And passion is rare. It's not everyday you come across someone with your energy. I just hope you aren't disappointed in me. I'm kinda a normal guy ya know. I like pizza, and beer, and sometimes act like an ass." he laughed softly again. His lips brushed her ear, and then trailed down her neck, he stopped with his lips resting on the curve in between her neck and her shoulder. "You smell so good." He drew her scent deep in to his nostrils, and rested his lips on her again. He could sit and hold her like this for a thousand years.

His touch sparked every nerve in her body. Here was this beautiful man, saying all of the right things, and yet Harlow still didn't feel good enough.

She looked out over the water. The sun was starting to go down. And a slight chill was settling in. Being next to the tide made such a difference in the way the sultry air felt when the sun set.

Joel moved his arms around her tighter.

Harlow turned her entire body around so that her legs were straddling his body. And their faces were close. She didn't say a word, she just looked him in his eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly, and slowly. He wrapped his arms around her tighter. He stopped to breath her breath in. He stopped to feel her, and closed his eyes. For once he didn't just see a girl, he felt her.

Joel knew what she wanted. She didn't want sex. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and not let her go, to accept her. When she looked at him, it was as if she could see straight through to his soul. It made him nervous, and yet comfortable at the same time. He drew his arms around her even tighter. Harlow rested her head on his chest and they watched the sun disappear below the horizon.

They had finished the wine, and were still sitting there as the first stars came out.

"So, I have another surprise." Joel announced.

"Oh, what's that? Pizza and beer?" she laughed at him. "No, seriously, I'm starving." she laughed again.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, I'm always down for pizza and beer, but no, later. Something special. You'll be proud. I put some thought in to it." Joel replied. "If you're hungry, let's go have pizza, wanna brave going back to my place?" he asked.

"Sure." she simply stated. She smiled at him. "I'm fairly convinced you are not a serial killer now." she laughed out loud.

"And I'm fairly convinced you are a total smart ass, and I kinda like that." Joel laughed back at her.

The two packed up the blankets and cooler, and the empty wine bottle, and headed back to their cars. Joel gave Harlow a light kiss and she got in her car. He didn't live far, so she followed him to his house. When they arrived she was surprised. She wasn't sure what she expected, maybe a bachelor pad? But the light beige furniture was comfortable, and the decor was friendly. Pretty good for a guy, she thought to herself. It was obvious he had put effort in to tidying up. That made her smile.

She made herself comfortable on the couch while Joel ordered a pizza. And he came in and sat with her.

"I thought it would be nice to be low key tonight. Get to know each other more, and just hang out. I don't always like to go out. It gets old, or maybe I am just old." he chuckled to himself. He looked at her.

"We are so, not old." Harlow stated. "I refuse to feel old. And I don't most of the time." she smiled. "I get tired, but never, ever old."

"So what do you want to watch? What do you like?" Joel asked, getting up to look through his massive movie collection. Harlow rose, and joined him in front of the bookshelves. She tapped her fingertip on her lip as she looked through his movies.

"Oh my gosh! I love this movie!" she pulled out a classic from the 1980's and Joel laughed. He turned to her in surprise.

"I love the 80s! I have a ton of movies, I cannot believe we agree on that! I am a complete 80s nerd." He was surprised.

"What? I am not always serious." she laughed. "I have an unhealthy addiction to all things 80's. The music, the clothes, the movies, I love it all! Especially the toys!" She smiled at him.

He was smiling and laughing at her. He took the movie from her and put it in the player. The doorbell rang, and he took the pizza. Harlow could hear how polite he was to the young pizza guy. She liked how respectful he was. Sometimes the soldiers in his rank could be downright assholes. Joel treated everyone as if they were equal. That was an important thing to her. For a man to treat others as he wanted to be treated. And to recognize human struggle and equality.

He sat the pizza box down on the coffee table, and they both took a piece. Soon, Harlow was wrapped up in his arms and they were lost in the movie. It was nice to be able to feel comfortable with him. It just felt right. Joel was always touching her softly, and surely, and she liked that. When the movie was over, Joel got up. He turned and took Harlows hand.

"Come on, it's about that time." he smiled.

"Uh-oh." said Harlow, but she allowed him to pull her up off of the couch. He grabbed a blanket off of the chair, and they headed in to his his backyard.

"So the lights might make it a little hard to see. But I know you said you love astrology, and all of that stuff. So I have a surprise." he said.

Harlow could barely make out the porch swing in the middle of the yard. It was the kind that folded down in to a bed. Joel held it still so Harlow could climb on to it. And then he rolled himself up beside her and threw the blanket over the two of them.

"So....." Harlow said curiously. "What are we doing?" Was he wanting to have sex out here? What did he have in mind? She was confused.

"Just watch." Joel pointed to the sky.

As they watched the night sky, Harlow saw what he was talking about. A shooting star raced across the sky. With it's bright head and vanishing tail, it made it's way to dip quickly in to the horizon. Harlow gasped. He didn't want to have sex out here. He planned to count the shooting stars. They had talked about it on the phone, and she had told him the stories of how she and her mother would lay out under certain meteor showers and her mother would let her make as many wishes as she could until she fell asleep. Harlow raised herself up on her elbow. How shallow she had been to think he was only after sex.

She bent down and lightly kissed Joels lips. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. And he moved her head to his chest, with his arms tightly woven around her small frame.

"Make a wish, Harlow." he said softly.

Harlow could hear his heart beating under her ear. Bump, bump. Bump, bump. She closed her eyes, and she made her wish.

.Live, love.

.Live, love.